A fellow teacher shared a beautiful technique with me a few months after our 22-year-old son died of a heroin overdose called a
"Humanistic Funeral." This technique is a
simple and powerful tool to use when someone has unexpectedly died. This sudden death leaves a skeleton hanging in the survivor's closet for quite
some time. Often the survivor finds it challenging to let go of the loved one
out of love or guilt; therefore, the spirit of the loved one stays earthbound
in hopes to help the survivor deal with this distress.
Seeing or feeling
a loved one around you is acceptable for a little while, but it’s not healthy for either
of you, so you must release this spirit. I'm a
Reiki Master/Shaman Practioner, and oftentimes when I work on someone, I'm fully aware
when an individual is holding on to a loved one (whether deceased or living) because
there are issues with the heart. Letting go is a gift that you not only give to
yourself, but you give to the one who has passed (or has decided to not have a relationship with you) as he or she has a life in heaven.
Remember, once you let go, it doesn’t mean that your loved one can’t talk to you. You will still have a spiritual relationship. The bonus is that your loved one will be
able to help you more once he/she has crossed over, but only if you still stay open
to having this relationship. Most of all, you will be living on this earth in this
life, fully present. It took my son and me about five years to trust that I’d
be okay and that we’d still be able to talk to each other. And it took me a few different techniques and natural healers to help us cut our earthly ties.
Humanistic Funeral - A simple but powerful tool. (This can be done together as a family or individually.)
1. Obtain a candle and light it.
2. Tell the candle anything and everything that you want to
say to that person who has passed. My
husband and I shared all the beautiful qualities our son had. We thanked him
for choosing us as his parents, and we reminisced about the funny things he had
done. Yes, we even listed our frustrations but shared the lessons we had
learned because of them. (If this is done as a family, choose an object to pass
around when an individual wants to talk. This way, the family is not talking
over each other, and it’s an excellent way to show respect. You can pass a
feather around or choose one of the deceased person’s favorite object.)
3. Once finished sharing, we said, “We love you very much, but now it’s time to release you from this Earth plane so you can be where you need to be. You don’t belong here anymore.” We promised that we would be okay and that it’s fine for him to now be on the other side, up in heaven. (Obviously, you can say whatever you want and in your own words) Telling the candle things we hadn’t even shared with our child when he was alive released tons of pain and tears. This technique made my husband and I feel closer.
4. Blow the candle out as it cannot be left to burn down on
its own. Decide on
an appropriate way of disposing of the candle because your business is finished with it. My husband and I buried it in
our garden. If you can’t bury the candle, a trash can works.
5. Wait a few days and
then check to see if the spirit has transitioned to the other side. Close your eyes and ask your friend or
relative who passed away to show himself or herself. He might say, “Hi,” but you shouldn’t see any
part of him/her anymore or feel him in the room. Usually, you will have a more
difficult time talking to him, but take a couple of deep breaths to slow your
body down, and then you can still talk to your loved one. His/her voice will
sound far away. If you have had a horrible day, the deceased might again
return, feeling like he or she is needed. (You'll feel his/her energy popping
in.) That means you need to cut ties again and remind the spirit that you are okay.
Yes, of course, there are bottomless ways a spirit can communicate with you: your favorite song pops on the radio when you are depressed, Kyle broke one of Aan's guitar string because at first, he questioned whether his son was earthbound, smell cigarette smoke, or what my mom likes to do....a hummingbird will fly right in front of me.
This is also an excellent technique for releasing guilt, anger, or worries you want to let go of. My husband and I also used it to honor our daughter in surviving in our chaotic house and having the strength to leave to live her own life.
If you wish to write a personal message to me, or share and experience, my email is: tbboivin8@gmail.com I will respond in a couple of days.
