113 A Perfect Technique To Do As A Family, In the Classroom, or by Yourself to Releases Negative Thoughts.

 

     Believe it or not, you are human (well, a few of us might be aliens); but everyone makes a few mistakes during our lifetime. We become angry at ourselves or others when a blunder is made, or we are either judging ourselves or others. But to stay present in our lives and be happy, we must release this negative energy as it will zap our concentration and affect our mental and physical health. As a Reiki Master, and Shaman Practitioner, I've seen and felt this negative energy in someone's body a plethora of times.
      Don't compare yourself to others. You are the only you, unique and special. Are you imperfect? Heck, yes. Who isn't? But I wonder if maybe we came into this world imperfect for a reason so that we could learn various lessons: to love our self, to forgive, to accept and honor where an individual is in their life, not to make judgments. Or maybe we are here to learn that the beauty inside ourselves is more important than the beauty outside. Or perhaps we have to learn to get in shape; it's necessary to have discipline. Or possibly we realize that the only way to move forward is to find a good therapist.   

     Some of you are probably thinking, Naw, I never judge myself. I never judge others, and I rarely get angry. (Okay, I'm trying not to giggle.)

     Let's try 'Muscle Testing' on those three statements separately. Hook your thumbs and forefingers together in a figure eight and say one of the above comments in italics. What happens? Do your fingers stay hooked together without you struggling to keep them hooked, or do they break away? Even if they slightly loosen, your body is telling you. Yup! You're lying to yourself.

     The strongest times to release negative thoughts are Christmas, New Year's Eve, Easter, and your birthday, Full Moon, or when there are particular moon phases. However, anytime is acceptable.

     Here's an exercise for you that I learned at a workshop. Don't be surprised if you shed a few tears; some of us did and when I taught it to my students, many cried also. In fact, a lot of my students taught their families the exercise, and a few parents let me know how it pulled the family together.

1. Obtain an 8 ½ X 11 sized paper.

2. Fold the paper in half, length-wise, and find a writing utensil. 

3. On the left side of the paper, write down all the negative things you don't like about yourself or wish you could do better. Include your anger and judgments about yourself and others, including the physical attributes and personality traits you don't like about yourself. No one will see this paper, so let all that anger, judgments, and frustration out. 

4  Then, on the right side, write the positive physical attributes, things you are good at doing, and positive personality traits about yourself.

5. Fold the paper along the line and rip or cut it in half. Place the right side in your wallet or in a safe place so that when you tumble down that dark rabbit hole, you can pull it out and remind yourself what a fabulous unique individual you are.

6. Find a metal empty trash can, or barbecue and some matches. BE SAFE. –  Only adults should be doing this, and children should be under their supervision – Don't do this inside. Make sure you have two gallons of water nearby or your hose is on. If burning your paper is unavailable to you, rip the left half of the paper into tiny bits while saying the lines below or create something in your own words.

7. Say the following out loud or in your head: "Dear Father, Mother, I release all these negative feelings and judgments about myself and others to you. (Then read off your list. You can add more if something pops into your head.) It's time for me to let go of them. I have held onto these negative thoughts and judgments for  too  long." Then light the piece of paper and place it in the metal trash can or barbecue. You can say, 'thank you,' or 'it is done,' or 'Amen.'  

     Watch the paper burn or be aware of ripping the paper into tiny bits. Allow yourself to feel the joy of letting go. You can create your own words. Listen to your heart and trust yourself. Remember, say everything in the present tense because you want to release it NOW.

Enjoy and have a beautiful, safe life.

My e-mail -     tbboivin8@gmail.com           Would love to hear how it worked for you or your children.

 

    

14 - A Powerful Tool to Use After Someone You Love Dies, Especially Suddenly .

    

     A fellow teacher shared a beautiful technique with me a few months after our 22-year-old son died of a heroin overdose called a "Humanistic Funeral."  This technique is a simple and powerful tool to use when someone has unexpectedly died. This sudden death leaves a skeleton hanging in the survivor's closet for quite some time. Often the survivor finds it challenging to let go of the loved one out of love or guilt; therefore, the spirit of the loved one stays earthbound in hopes to help the survivor deal with this distress.

     Seeing or feeling a loved one around you is acceptable for a little while, but it’s not healthy for either of you, so you must release this spirit. I'm a Reiki Master/Shaman Practioner, and oftentimes when I work on someone, I'm fully aware when an individual is holding on to a loved one (whether deceased or living) because there are issues with the heart. Letting go is a gift that you not only give to yourself, but you give to the one who has passed (or has decided to not have a relationship with you) as he or she has a life in heaven. Remember, once you let go, it doesn’t mean that your loved one can’t talk to you. You will still have a spiritual relationship. The bonus is that your loved one will be able to help you more once he/she has crossed over, but only if you still stay open to having this relationship. Most of all, you will be living on this earth in this life, fully present. It took my son and me about five years to trust that I’d be okay and that we’d still be able to talk to each other. And it took me a few different techniques and natural healers to help us cut our earthly ties.

 Humanistic Funeral   - A simple but powerful tool.  (This can be done together as a family or individually.)  

1.  Obtain a candle and light it.

 Any size, color of candle will do, but make sure it's in a safe candle holder.

2. Tell the candle anything and everything that you want to say to that person who has passed.  My husband and I shared all the beautiful qualities our son had. We thanked him for choosing us as his parents, and we reminisced about the funny things he had done. Yes, we even listed our frustrations but shared the lessons we had learned because of them. (If this is done as a family, choose an object to pass around when an individual wants to talk. This way, the family is not talking over each other, and it’s an excellent way to show respect. You can pass a feather around or choose one of the deceased person’s favorite object.)

3. Once finished sharing, we said, “We love you very much, but now it’s time to release you from this Earth plane so you can be where you need to be. You don’t belong here anymore.” We promised that we would be okay and that it’s fine for him to now be on the other side, up in heaven.  (Obviously, you can say whatever you want and in your own words) Telling the candle things we hadn’t even shared with our child when he was alive released tons of pain and tears. This technique made my husband and I feel closer. 

 4. Blow the candle out as it cannot be left to burn down on its own. Decide on an appropriate way of disposing of the candle because your business is finished with it. My husband and I buried it in our garden. If you can’t bury the candle, a trash can works.

 5. Wait a few days and then check to see if the spirit has transitioned to the other side.  Close your eyes and ask your friend or relative who passed away to show himself or herself.  He might say, “Hi,” but you shouldn’t see any part of him/her anymore or feel him in the room. Usually, you will have a more difficult time talking to him, but take a couple of deep breaths to slow your body down, and then you can still talk to your loved one. His/her voice will sound far away. If you have had a horrible day, the deceased might again return, feeling like he or she is needed. (You'll feel his/her energy popping in.) That means you need to cut ties again and remind the spirit that you are okay. 

    Yes, of course, there are bottomless ways a spirit can communicate with you: your favorite song pops on the radio when you are depressed, Kyle broke one of Aan's guitar string because at first, he questioned whether his son was earthbound, smell cigarette smoke, or what my mom likes to do....a hummingbird will fly right in front of me.

     This is also an excellent technique for releasing guilt, anger, or worries you want to let go of.  My husband and I also used it to honor our daughter in surviving in our chaotic house and having the strength to leave to live her own life.

If you wish to write a personal message to me, or share and experience, my email is:    tbboivin8@gmail.com    I will respond in a couple of days.

112 - After Our Son Died, He would Pop in to do the Funniest Things to Make Me Laugh

 

     Exhausted, I drove home after an agonizing day of attempting to teach. I flopped onto the Japanese floral futon and situated the two pillows from my bed behind me,  so I could partially sit up. I pulled in a couple deep breaths, my body soaking in the delicious heat from our sunroom. That day, for some reason, was a painfully agonizing, drawn-out day of trying to stay focused and in the present. It was only in the middle of the school year, and I was ready for June. That day felt like a heavy coastal fog had slowly crept in, shrouding my entire body, refusing to dissipate. Just like usual, depression had drained me of most of my energy. It was almost a year since our son had died of a heroin overdose, and yet there were still too many days; I was overtaken by depression and guilt.

    I pulled in a couple deep breaths, readying myself to meditate. Still, instead, guilty memories plodded through my brain: I was such a horrible parent, too hyper-focused and stressed with teaching, especially when I produced plays to help my son. Kyle, our son, had struggled with alcohol for about two years and then was introduced to heroin and passed away. Our daughter, Nicole, had escaped to a more peaceful life a year before her brother died.  

      I'm sure she had become tired of the worry and fear that was stuck in our house. Yes, I had noticed she had withdrawn, and she had stopped but even when I asked her doctor if I could sign her up for therapy and she told the doc that she was 'okay,' I shouldn't have listened. She stopped sharing her feelings and needs and seemed despondent. I was useless at making any decisions, and when I did make them, they were made out of fear, controlling my daughter's activities. She must have felt like a prisoner in her own home. Torrents of tears ran down my cheeks; my body shook uncontrollably as I gasped for air. Then out of nowhere, the spigot turned off, and I wiped the wet remnants away.

     I realized I was too exhausted to meditate; desperately, I needed a nap. I slipped down onto the futon, stuffed one pillow behind my head, closed my eyes, pulled the warm air through my nostrils, and expelled it through my mouth a few times to slow my brain down. Slowly, the taut ropes in my neck stretched like rubber bands, and my shoulders finally lowered into their unfamiliar position. My lead eyelids closed without a command.

      ZAP! I sat in a small aluminum boat, staring at Kyle's back. He turned around, still holding onto his fishing pole, and said glibly, "Hi Mom," then stared at me for a few seconds with this huge cocky smile. I returned the greeting as I watched him brush his blond bangs out of his eyes with his fingers. This wasn't the first time my son popped in for a magical journey. 

                                                  https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl          

      I looked around. It was a gorgeous sunny day, not too hot. We were in the middle of a lake surrounded by placid light turquoise blue water that emanated luminous sparkles. The lake looked more like an ice skating rink than a place to fish. Kyle seemed too antsy ever to want to go fishing while here on earth, so I asked, "What in the heck are you doing?"

     "Fishing for whales," he said in a curt voice and gave me this strange look as if I should have known this fact already and then turned around.

     Eyeing the small shiny aluminum dingy and his fishing rod with a reel, I lifted my eyebrows and remarked, "Really?" Since he was always a jokester, I decided to ignore his comment. That rod might be big enough to catch river fish, but anything bigger? Yea, right, I thought. Anyway, when was the last time anyone heard of a whale in a lake? I scanned the area again and noticed the gradual golden hills climbing out of the water. I swear, it definitely looked like we were at a lake.

      I was just about to refute his chances of catching a whale when all of a sudden, it looked as if metal rebar had been jammed up his spine. He jerked up hard on his pole a few times, but the tip stayed stationary, stuck in a bow-like position. "I got one!" He yelled excitedly and looked at me, grinning from ear to ear as if to tell me, Ha, told you so.

     Without warning, the boat jerked back and forth, so I grabbed onto the vessel's sides and planted my feet firmly against the hull for stability, not because I was paranoid of being thrown over, but because I disliked the deep cold water lake looked deep. Within a heartbeat, we lurched forward for a few feet, stopped, and then we rode a monstrous wave, and within seconds we were free-falling down into a gully. My heart wasn't beating a mile a minute, and my stomach wasn't tied up in knots. I wasn't even terrified that we could be catapulted into the deep water and either eaten by this giant fish or drowned. I knew that I was safe in this magic world with Kyle, journeying.

      The muscles were taut on my son's arms as he struggled to hold onto the rod, reeling the line in rapidly as he dropped the tip down. I was surprised that he seemed to know what he was doing. Hills of water rose in sections and crashed down upon us while another mountain rose even higher and bashed into the fields of rolling water. Finally, Kyle was able to jerk the pole back a few times past his head, and then he released the tension on the fishing rod. Quickly, he whipped the pole around, catching me off guard, but luckily I ducked, or I would have had a heck of a headache. A colossal wave rose in front of the dingy as if this monstrous whale was about to plop onto our little boat. Unconsciously, I snapped my eyes shut, waiting to be drenched in freezing water, but I opened them after I felt only a heavy spray of water on my body. Finally, the waves subsided, and magically the boat stopped rocking, so I unclamped my hands and relaxed my legs.

     Kyle spun his whole body around and stared at his feet. Following his gaze, I looked down, not realizing he had actually caught something. We both looked up at each other simultaneously, and bellows of infectious insane laughter peeled up from our bellies. My stomach muscles ached. It seemed like minutes had passed. Finally, I spoke through my giggles. "Wow! That's a whale of a fish," I said, attempting to sound impressed.

     The fish was about five inches long, effervescent white except along the transparent edges of the thin body. Kyle bent down, picked up the fish by its tail, gently plucked it off the hook, and said, "Yup, it sure is," as he tossed it back into the water.

   He grinned from ear to ear and cocked his head sideways, studying me for a second. "You okay, now?"

    I smiled, squinting as the brilliant rays from the sun seemed to be hugging him. I nodded. Instantly, I was transported back into the sunroom onto the futon. A flood of joyful tears rolled down my cheeks,  thankful that my son still bounced in whenever I was at my lowest lows.

 

 

 

13 - There Are Other Ways to Express our Disappointment or Anger Besides Yelling or Making Hurtful Comments

      Many of us learned from our parents how to deal with anger and frustration by yelling, throwing things, hitting the wall, spanking, etc. You can break that habit but work on dealing with that anger or frustration differently. By you retraining yourself, you can teach your children some valuable tools. Learning to calm down before dealing with a problem can be helpful for parents and the child.  

   Express your feelings

   When I was a teenager, I started writing in a notebook. You can let each member pick out their journal, or sketchbook, or pick one up at a garage sale or make one. It does not have to be fancy. A few years ago, I picked up one out of my father-in-law's box of stuff to be given to the Salvation Army. It’s all leather on the outside, and when I opened it up, I was surprised to find that it had been used as a ledger in 1861 for some doctors. However, only a couple of pages were used. It was my favorite. Or you can get online and learn how to make a journal for yourself or how to teach your children to make a simple one with your children.

    Writing helped me process my anger, frustrations, confusion, family problems, and life, and talk about boys when I was a teen and an adult. And as a mother, I wrote the funny things that my kids would say or the odd or funny things that they would do.  And yes, I even wrote about the incidents that angered me, worried me, or scared me.

   When there are difficulties in life, it’s sometimes impossible to express our feelings verbally as they are too energy-charged. Journals help to download tons of emotions that help release pain or sorrow, or joy.  And if you don't enjoy writing, you can be creative in other ways: draw, write a poem or a song or even sing a song your know, play an instrument, or dance how you feel. Then if you want to share what you’ve written as a family once or twice a month, it might open up roads to some fantastic conversations.  

Dance, dance, dance

    Ask who wants to go first.  Honor the decision. Tell your family members to trust the body and how it feels. Is it your turn, your mom's, or your brothers?   If a family member doesn’t want to share, it’s okay. This technique teaches everyone to slow down and not to override anyone's feelings which is commonly done in families; it certainly was done in ours.

   Everyone must listen and show respect when listening to a journal, poem, or watching a dance. No judgments can be made, or the creator will lose trust. 

  
(Or dance as a family and call out emotions, and everyone creates their own dance. Or dance all by yourself so you won't have to worry about what others think about your dance style.)

If you wish to write a personal message to me or share an experience, my email is tbboivin8@gmail.com. I will respond in a couple of days.