'Inner Child Work,' also known as 'Healing the Child Within' or 'Shadow Work', is a technique where you work with your inner child. I know it sounds a bit out there, but this technique is a powerful tool to help pull you out of a trauma moment, a time where you feel alone, depressed, or about to react angrily to a situation or after you just experienced one.
This technique can be done either by yourself or with a therapist to resolve the negative childhood emotions and experiences your body insists on holding onto, as well as harness the joy, innocence, and confidence that you deserve. I find this technique very useful.
What is 'inner child work'?
All of us slip into childlike behavior every once in a while, especially if one of our buttons is pushed. Maybe you get angry because your wife prepared a special dinner, but it happens to be a similar recipe your father forced you to eat even though you hated it. Or your husband is about to go on a work-related trip, and you flashback to when your father packed his bags and never returned to the house.
Inner child work helps you access the child you once were, along with the experiences and emotions that the child was taught to repress. If you make an effort to listen to, communicate with, and nurture your inner child, you can discover the roots of your issues as an adult and heal them.
If you find yourself depressed or unable to create, ask your little self what she/he needs. When I'm working on my memoir, sometimes I feel frozen, unable to use descriptive words. I realize that my little self doesn't feel safe, so I ask her what age she is and what she needs to feel safe. Sometimes it's a flower, and other times it's a fluffy bear. Then I ask her to go outside and play while I'm writing, and I see her walking outdoors with her bear. When I finish, I bring her back in. It sounds a bit weird, but it works.
If you find yourself depressed or unable to create, ask your little self what she/he needs. When I'm working on my memoir, sometimes I feel frozen, unable to use descriptive words. I realize that my little self doesn't feel safe, so I ask her what age she is and what she needs to feel safe. Sometimes it's a flower, and other times it's a fluffy bear. Then I ask her to go outside and play while I'm writing, and I see her walking outdoors with her bear. When I finish, I bring her back in. It sounds a bit weird, but it works.
What issues can inner child work help you with?
- childhood abuse – emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse
- depression and anxiety
- anger management issues
- passive-aggressive behavior
- low self-esteem
- abandonment issues and borderline personality disorder (BPD)
- emotional numbness
- self-sabotage
- self-criticism
- relationship difficulties
- codependency and powerlessness.
Inner child work might take the form of:
- dialoguing (talking) with your inner child who might need just a stuffed bear or a BigMac
- journaling with your inner child's voice
- meditating to get in touch with your inner child
- hugging or talking to a pillow, doll, or stuffed toy that might have been your favorite when you were little. Or go out and buy a doll or stuffed animal that reminds you of one you owned when you were younger. Or pick a four-leaf clover or a unique key chain that makes you feel strong.
- learning to 'parent' yourself (nurture and care for yourself).
- ask a relative who has passed or ask an angel to be beside you when processing your anger or hurt so you feel safe.
You will:
- remember repressed memories that are holding you back from a goal or that has made you react
- stop feeling numb/frozen and be able to feel again
- gain the ability to set boundaries
- feel self-compassion
- enjoy life more and have fun again
- gain self-confidence.
Working with the inner child is not about unearthing everything your parents did 'wrong' and becoming angry with them. But it is a technique where you honor your feelings of loneliness, being misunderstood, judged, or mistreated. These emotions need to be processed, but with this comes the recognition that you are no longer that child. You have more personal power and a mature perspective. You might find that after a period of allowing yourself to feel anger and sadness towards others, you find new understanding and compassion, able to see that others are not perfect and have their own unmet needs to struggle with.
I encourage you to work with a professional, but even I couldn't get into a therapist whenever I needed one, so I was thankful that I had a few tools to help me crawl out of my slump. I guarantee that you will feel better if you don't rush through the activity.
Further information and some excellent exercises to help you heal:
