13 - There Are Other Ways to Express our Disappointment or Anger Besides Yelling or Making Hurtful Comments

      Many of us learned from our parents how to deal with anger and frustration by yelling, throwing things, hitting the wall, spanking, etc. You can break that habit but work on dealing with that anger or frustration differently. By you retraining yourself, you can teach your children some valuable tools. Learning to calm down before dealing with a problem can be helpful for parents and the child.  

   Express your feelings

   When I was a teenager, I started writing in a notebook. You can let each member pick out their journal, or sketchbook, or pick one up at a garage sale or make one. It does not have to be fancy. A few years ago, I picked up one out of my father-in-law's box of stuff to be given to the Salvation Army. It’s all leather on the outside, and when I opened it up, I was surprised to find that it had been used as a ledger in 1861 for some doctors. However, only a couple of pages were used. It was my favorite. Or you can get online and learn how to make a journal for yourself or how to teach your children to make a simple one with your children.

    Writing helped me process my anger, frustrations, confusion, family problems, and life, and talk about boys when I was a teen and an adult. And as a mother, I wrote the funny things that my kids would say or the odd or funny things that they would do.  And yes, I even wrote about the incidents that angered me, worried me, or scared me.

   When there are difficulties in life, it’s sometimes impossible to express our feelings verbally as they are too energy-charged. Journals help to download tons of emotions that help release pain or sorrow, or joy.  And if you don't enjoy writing, you can be creative in other ways: draw, write a poem or a song or even sing a song your know, play an instrument, or dance how you feel. Then if you want to share what you’ve written as a family once or twice a month, it might open up roads to some fantastic conversations.  

Dance, dance, dance

    Ask who wants to go first.  Honor the decision. Tell your family members to trust the body and how it feels. Is it your turn, your mom's, or your brothers?   If a family member doesn’t want to share, it’s okay. This technique teaches everyone to slow down and not to override anyone's feelings which is commonly done in families; it certainly was done in ours.

   Everyone must listen and show respect when listening to a journal, poem, or watching a dance. No judgments can be made, or the creator will lose trust. 

  
(Or dance as a family and call out emotions, and everyone creates their own dance. Or dance all by yourself so you won't have to worry about what others think about your dance style.)

If you wish to write a personal message to me or share an experience, my email is tbboivin8@gmail.com. I will respond in a couple of days.