78 Personal experiences about the importance of listening

                                                             “Still Lessons to Learn”

    “Wait a minute!” I told my eighth-grade Gifted English class. The decibels had risen so high in my English class where I couldn’t hear the person that I had called upon. Apparently, everyone was adamant about sharing their opinion with their fellow students about the type of communication which existed in their family. We were relating a poem to their personal lives. “Stop! I can’t hear all of you at the same time. Raise your hand. Please.” My eighth graders finally quieted down, so I called on Becky.

    “My parents NEVER listen to me,” Becky complained.

    “That’s unfair. You’re using a global word. That means that your parents NEVER EVER listen to you.” I replied.

    “Okay, okay, they rarely listen to me,” Becky corrected herself.

    I was curious to know how she knew her parents weren’t listening. I didn’t have children yet, so I was hoping to learn something useful. “How do you know your parents aren’t listening to you?”

     “Hey, Becky, I bet you have the uh, huh parents,” one vocal student blurted out. Half the class chimed in as if well-rehearsed, “Uh, huh.”

   After the laughter died down, I said, “Uh, huh, means they’re listening.”

   “Not when they only say uh, huh, don’t ask questions, or don’t even change the tone of their voice.” The crescendo of Becky’s voice rose to emphasize her frustration.

   A voice yelled from the back, “Or don’t even look at you!”

   I was stunned and not quite sure what to say at first.  “Your parents are busy. They have work, and then they have to take care of the house, take care of your little brothers or sisters and then cook. Their minds are on other things.”

   “Ms. B., then they need to tell us that and then set up a time so we can talk to them later.

 Isn’t that communication?” shared another smart student.

   “I think they just get overwhelmed with life so they forget,” was the only reason that I could come up with.

 I decided to turn this problem into a teaching moment.  I explained, “Sometimes it’s best to get feelings on paper. Write your complaint out, wait a few days then reread it.  Remember, you’re not trying to make them mad,  you're trying to communicate your feelings on a couple of important subjects that matter to you. This letter can’t be a letter complaining about everything your parents or guardians did wrong as it will be too overwhelming. If you want some response back and you want some changes, pick no more than two things to discuss.”

    I couldn’t believe the buzzing in the room. The students were so excited. The whole class agreed to write their letter, and if they needed more time, they'd let me know. I realized I that now I had some

homework to do before the students gave their final drafts. I wrote a letter to the parents/guardians

discussing our unit on communication and explained that their homework would be to respond in writing to their teen’s letter.

    A week later I collected most of my students’ letters, this time not permitting their fellow classmates to edit them because I knew there would be some very personal experiences that these students trusted me with. Some students I had to call up to my desk and discuss other ways to say what they were trying to communicate as either it wasn’t clear or there was so much anger that I felt the parents might shut down or become irate.  I spoke to the students who didn’t do the assignment yet, and they either confided that they needed more time or a couple of them shared that they had nothing wrong in their family, so I spoke to them individually.

   Celeste sat in the chair next to my desk. “So your parents are perfect? I wish I had your parents growing up.” She laughed with me.  “You mean to tell me that they don’t get after you for anything?”

   She whisked a curly patch of hair behind her ear. “Well, they talk to me about chores I don’t get done, but I deserve their anger.”   

   I wasn’t quite sure what to say, and then a question just popped out of my mouth. “So your parents trust you to go out with friends?”

   She shyly looked up from her hands. “No, but that’s okay. I have to watch my brothers and sisters because my parents work.”

    “So your parents work 24/7?”

    “Yea, just about.  I have to cook and clean house because I’m the oldest.”

     I waited a few minutes and took a deep breath. “So, how do you feel about that?”

  Celeste looked down at her hands. She started to fidget. “Sometimes I get angry because my friends ask me to go out with them, but I can never go with them because I’m expected to take care of everything. I have a brother a year younger than me who hardly does anything.”

   “Okay, I think you just found a problem. Write about how you feel and what you’d like changed.”

    She got up from the chair and thanked me with a big smile on her face.

     I had set a date for parents to get their letters in but didn't mark the student down when a few arrived late.  The parent letters were moving, apologetic and brimming with love. A few of them brought tears to my eyes.

    While driving home, I wallowed in my glory. Then right then and there I promised myself that I would not be one of the uh huh parents my students had complained about. But alas, two years later I fell into the trap. Actually, I know that I’ve been stuck in the sticky mire quite a few times. However, these are the first two guilty incidents which are forever glued into my memory.

    “Ow,” I groaned as my back and legs screamed out in pain while I crouched perusing the musical scores on the bottom shelf at the Mar Vista library. As a new mother, I was unsure of my one-in-a half-year-old son’s attention span as he sat talking to the picture books he was thumbing through.  After another pang of pains crawled up my legs, I plopped on the hard rough carpet and continued looking for theatre competition scenes.

    I’m not quite sure how long I was engaged in my activity when Kyle started whining. “Lez go.”

    “Give me a few more minutes, okay?” I glanced at him sitting on the floor a few feet from me looking through some picture books.  I continued my search for who knows how long. And then I got this funny feeling, so I looked up from a yellowed music score of Annie Get Your Gun, to see a little fat white pinchable bottom shining brightly, almost in my face. I gasped and whispered gruffly, “Kyle!” He stood up from his bent position, turned his head and gave me an impish grin. I guess he I  was trying to tell me he was bored. I turned to beat red and quickly pulled up his shorts to cover his cute bottom.

    My eyes shot around the room to see if any others had partaken in my son’s attempt to make his

feelings known. “Drat!” I thought. I noted a librarian standing in full view of this embarrassing scene. I sucked some air in wondering what she was expecting me to do. Spank him? Yell at him?

   The librarian pushed up her glasses with her scrawny index finger and raised one eyebrow as she dryly informed me, “I think he’s trying to tell you something.” I watched in surprise, from her slate-like face came an impossible smile.

    I returned the book with shaky hands and stood up while saying, “I think you’re right. I guess my son is  trying to tell me it’s time to go home.”

   “You’re lucky, he’s learning how to communicate early,” and sauntered off.

  I promised myself to not be so caught up in my work that I wasn’t aware of what was going on around me. You see, I was paranoid about being one of those huh huh parents. However, a few years later, my next memorable guilty scene occurred.

   I was preparing dinner and thinking about all the homework I still had to correct that evening. My daughter, Nicole, loved to talk continuously and that day was no exception. She seemed to rarely take a breath while chattering and spoke so fast that sometimes I couldn’t follow what she was saying. She would always be so excited about sharing her day, and I loved to listen to her cute high voice. Sometimes I had the energy to ask her to slow down, however, that night was not one of those times. My four year old whined, “Mama, you not listening to me.”

   I reassured her, “Yes, I am.”

  She quipped back, “No, you not.” I continued to chop the carrots without looking at her. “How do you know “I’m not listening?” I questioned.

   Nicole answered with amazing insight, “Because you keep saying “Uh, huh all de time.”

  My heart skipped a beat as I realized what I had become. Oh my God, I had become an uh, huh parent. I bent down to my daughter’s level, teary-eyed, I hugged her. I looked into her angelic face and saw her concerned look. “You’re right! I’m so so sorry. I made a mistake. Please always remind me when I do that. Promise me.”

   Her dimples outshone her smile. Semi-curly hair bounced up and down as she nodded her head, “I pwamise.” (I loved listening to her mispronounce her Rs.) 

   “Sometimes mommy’s head gets so busy with school business and family things that it’s hard to be a good listener. Tell me again what you were trying to say because now I’m listening.”

       It’s so easy to get too busy with work and life that we aren’t listening to our loved ones. Slow down and always be open to what they need to share. You might not like what they have to say, but remember it’s their perception and their feelings that you have to honor.

Here are 

  

77 - How can we teach our children to handle mistakes and how can we teach them to be responsible?

  

 Judging self or your family members only does damage.

     All too often we judge ourselves harshly when we make a mistake.  We get mad at ourselves, and if we have children, they pick up on this feeling whether you express it verbally, physically or internally. Some kids are so sensitive that they pick up on our negative feelings, and misinterpret them as us being angry with them.
   Our children learn from us. Don’t judge or get angry, often times difficult to do, and even more challenging to teach children. Making mistakes teaches integrity and often times these stumbling blocks gives us an opportunity to look at something from different angles and allows us to think about how to do something differently. Rarely, do we reach our goal on the first try, so why do we expect perfection from ourselves, our children or our partner?                                

Do not judge yourself, your partner or your child when a mistake is made.

    So when your daughter spills her juice on the floor for the 10th time that month, don’t focus on the mistake or the mess which will make her feel bad. Your reaction and your reprimand will taint the way your child feels about herself. More than likely, your child already feels upset about the accident because she knows what should have occurred based on what has been routine already. Most human beings are extremely sensitive so they can feel a judgment even if you don’t state it. Don’t think it. It’s a waste of energy. If you do say something negative to yourself say, “Cancel, cancel” in your head.  And if you say a negative comment out loud, apologize to the person and cancel it mentally.  

 (BLOG #  56   “What happens when you judge yourself or others”)
 https://othersideofloss.blogspot.com/2018/06/56-judging-yourself-and-others-is.html

    Maybe your child took too much silverware out of the drawer while trying to help set the table and he dropped them all on the floor. While helping him rinse them off, ask what he thinks would have helped him not to drop them. Don’t give him the answer; you’re trying to make him think for himself. If he doesn’t have a clue, then you can tell him.

 When a child or partner makes a mistake, say, “That’s interesting.”  (Obviously, this won’t fit every occasion.)

   Let’s say your child was playing the guitar. She’s practicing a particular song for her next lesson, except she plays a wrong chord.   What if, instead of immediately correcting her, you say, “That’s interesting.” Maybe you can use the error as an opportunity to create a different sequence. Or work on how to use that bit she created in another piece.  Yes, ultimately you’ll have to show her the correct chord and progression so she will be able to play the song correctly. But instead of zeroing in on her mistake immediately, you’ve taken away that judgment and taught her there are other possibilities.

Admit your own mistakes

   We won’t send the message to our children or even to our spouse that mistakes are okay to make if we deny the ones we do make. Instead, fess up each time you make one.  Your mistakes can be as simple as tripping up a step, or making a mess when you dropped a dish on the floor or apologizing to your child or spouse for yelling.

    You can also describe times in your life when you made mistakes. While you don’t want to glorify them, you can mention a few of the simpler ones, so your child doesn’t feel alone.

   Admitting our mistakes shows that everyone makes them. However, they don’t define who we are. Rather, we can use them to our advantage by learning from them.

 You can’t rescue children from all their mistakes.

     You’ve asked your child to pick up the toys from the floor, but he forgets and Lester, the family dog, comes in and rips your child’s favorite bear to smithereens.  After your child stops crying and telling the dog that he hates him, what do you do?   

     Do you buy your child a replacement? That’s a BIG,” No!” By rescuing your child from his mistake, you don’t make him accountable. When we rescue our children from their mistakes, we deny them an opportunity to learn a lesson. Why would your child keep his room clean if he knows that it won’t matter because he’ll receive a replacement toy?

   Instead, hold your child accountable. Ask him why the dog chewed up his toy and what should have been done so the dog wouldn’t have destroyed his toy. Make clean up a part of your child's routine.

   We won’t be able to (nor should we) rescue our kids from life’s disappointments. Teaching them how to cope and learn from mistakes is a much more valuable tool than saving them each time.  Honest, I do have friends that are still rescuing their adult children. I used to do the same thing with my son and by his 8th car accident, I stopped feeling sorry for him and stopped paying for his repairs. It infuriated him at first and then I told him he's an adult and I'm not always going to be around. He has to figure out what to do.

 Teach your child to find the reason behind his mistake

    Making a mistake is our best teacher whether we are an adult or a child.  Why?  Because whether the reason for the mistake is obvious or we have to dig deep to find out the reason it happened, it should make him slow down and ask where he went wrong.

   Maybe your child has been staring at her homework for fifteen minutes. That’s not going to do anything as the answer is not going to pop up. Instead, teach your child to analyze where the struggle began, why it happened and then she can correct it.

   Even in high school, my students forgot their French book or reading book for English.  Teach your child to prepare for school the night before.  YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DELIVER THE BOOK TO SCHOOL!  If every Tuesday is a reading day, have your child mark it in the calendar, (if she can’t write, have her place a specific sticker on the day a book needs to be brought.) Then the night before, remind her to look at the calendar, so she knows what book(s) to place in the backpack. Or buy your child some cute post-its (I wish I would have invented those…then I’d be rich.) She can stick it on her backpack, refrig. or front door.

    Mistakes are inevitable. And every single person on this planet probably makes at least one or two errors every day. The important thing is to see them as a learning tool and not to get angry, ashamed or embarrassed at yourself, your partner or your child. Mistakes teach us lessons about ourselves. What’s nice is that we can keep correcting our errors over and over until we finally get it right.

6 Picture Books About Learning From Mistakes   (I used children’s books in high school to introduce a theme in a novel. The teens loved them!)

  An Orange for Frankie, by Patricia Polacco. ...

  A Pair of Red Clogs, by Masako Matsuno and Kazue Mizumura. ...

  The Quiltmaker's Journey, by Jeff Brumbeau and Gail de Marcken. ...

  One, by Kathryn Otoshi. ...

  The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes, by Mark Pett and Gary Rubinstein.   

76 My first experience journeying just like Juan Castaneda, the Shaman

    After we lost a daughter, who decided to escape from all the turmoil in our family to live her own life, and then we lost a son to a heroin overdose a year later, I floated around in the land of limbo for a while. Then slowly feelings came back. Judging oneself and others take a horrible toll on the body and the mind. The pain, the disgust, the guilt, the anger… All spun around in my head from the moment I dragged myself out of bed until I hid in the dark of my bedroom, attempting to hide from the pain.

   I realized I had to forgive myself and my husband. Therefore, it was essential to be aggressive about healing or I would end up in a psych ward or a divorce. Paying three hundred dollars an hour to tell someone my problems and then listen to the suggestions or insights that mirrored my close friends, frustrated me. I wasn’t moving forward: I was trapped in a pit of tar unable to escape.  But thank God. Finally, I found trauma counselors that used techniques that worked for me. And I delved even deeper into learning natural healing techniques.

   One day after having an acupuncture treatment, I walked around the corner of  Pine Tree Circle,  a building with a few retail shops and offices in Topanga, because in front of Desi Yoga, I knew I would find various New Age magazines. I picked up a couple, and a few days later I leafed through them and found a Psychic Intuitive class I was interested in, and an event called the Conscious Life Expo which has an abundance of spiritual and New Age lectures, workshops, and exhibits. I prepaid for an Introduction to Shaman Workshop which would be held in one of the many conference rooms at the LAX Marriott Hotel. Shamanism has always fascinated me, maybe because I have a tiny bit of Cherokee Indian in me. It just seems natural to heal with the elements and animals to alleviate traumas affecting the spirit and body.

   Hank Wesselman is an anthropologist and Hawaiian Shaman. He was a tall man with a medium frame. His neatly trimmed Comic Con beard was almost entirely grey, as was his slightly curly and he had a receding hairline. If I had passed him on the street, I would have never guessed him a Shaman. He lit the incense and explained that it would expedite clearing the room of negative energy and that lighting a candle would help raise the vibrations. All of this would help us travel to the spirit world easier. He asked, “How many of you have journeyed? Maybe about five people out of the eighteen had raised their hand. “To journey,” he shared, “is surprisingly easy, but first, you need to set a goal before you enter into the spirit world."
   He informed us that it's also necessary to play a rhythm instrument at a steady beat before journeying and have someone else play shaman music while you are journeying or play shamanic drumming in the background on your phone or laptop. This steady beat changes the brain waves so that you can travel in this mystical world. He lit a white candle sitting on the table at the front of the room. I felt like a child ready to step into my first roller coaster ride. Hank’s low, soothing voice was effortless to listen to, and the information was intriguing.

    For protection, he shared that we needed to ask our animal guides or angels to accompany us on our journey as they would help protect us and aid us with the healing. If we didn’t have one, we were to ask for our animal guide or angel to show itself and welcome him or her. At the end of the healing, we weren’t to forget to thank the guides for protecting us or any of the elements: wood, air, water, fire, and earth that came into the journey to heal. 

   Hank suggested that we become comfortable, so I stretched out on the carpet with my light jacket covering my upper torso because as usual, the conference rooms are always too cold for me. The drumming began. In the background, I continued to hear Hank’s voice reminding us that as we travel to this magical place to be aware of what arises because many times the elements or various animals might appear to work on the person or the situation. We must remember what transpired since these journeys are symbolic, later we must analyze what they represent. In a lulling voice, Hank guided us to listen to the drum, and as the droning beats became louder, the magical cadence delved me deeper and deeper into a trance, I realized I had entered into the magic world of the Shaman. Sharonda, my wolf, already appeared while Hank was talking.

   About seven years earlier I was drawn to any picture, story or artwork in which wolves were the subject. Someone had mentioned that it was more than likely my animal guide. I didn’t know what that meant so when I arrived home I pulled my laptop out and learned what an animal guide was, how to meet this guide and how to find out his/her name. I had sat on the floor in my bedroom with a candle lit and had played beautiful meditative music in the background, closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths then asked for my animal guide to appear. In a few minutes, in this dream-like world, I opened my eyes. I saw myself seated cross-legged in a clearing. An invisible wall encircled me about ten feet, pushing dense fog away from me as if protecting me. I was barely able to see the limbs of trees drooping from above, I was in the woods. I wasn't frightened, just curious.

   Again, I asked for my spirit animal to show itself. At first, I saw a squarish nose push through the fog and soon its head. The wolf studied me as if he/she didn’t trust me. I asked the animal, “Are you my guide?”

   A beautiful calming voice replied, “Yes.”  Her mouth didn’t open like a character from a cartoon, we communicated telepathically. She must have finally felt safe because she walked entirely out of the fog into the clearing. I asked for a name, and she told me it was Shoranda. She was absolutely huge, maybe about 140 pounds and gorgeous. (I'm used to my 18 pound Scottish Terrier.) She had a white undercoat with a soft grey throughout her coat with distinct black tips around her ears and throughout her body. I remember thanking her for deciding to be my guide, and she had bowed her head. But that’s all I did. I didn‘t know how to journey, so I never used her in any healings.
 
    I wasn’t surprised when I learned that I had a wolf for my guide because I had been drawn to any picture of them and somehow pictures were showing up in magazines or on T.V.  I lingered there in the midst, staring at this incredible creature, my heart pounding as if I had just seen my favorite movie star. It felt so strange to experience this magical world. But I realized this wasn't the first time. When I was young, I remember loving everything about owls and for some odd reason when I needed to see better at night, I would ask for owl’s help and believe it or not, my bad eyesight improved. Don’t even ask me how I knew as a third grader to ask for owl's help. Then in 6th grade, the top runners were competing, I asked for Jaguar to help me. I felt like I had melted into his body. I won 2nd place.   Now I wonder if I had been a Shaman in another life. I am a teensy weensy Cherokee Indian.

  Before I journeyed, I had already decided to work on healing my daughter first. I knew with all the negative feelings that she had internalized and the loneliness she felt more than likely caused her fibromyalgia. Of course, I asked her soul for permission to work on her emotional and physical pain: I didn’t want to push my will on her because I knew it would be considered dark magic if I didn’t receive permission. A soft silky drawn out 'yes' was heard. ( I always asked permission to do Reiki on her long distance and sometimes I received a 'no.')

    In this new magical world, I stated that I would like Nicole’s fibromyalgia, asthma, and emotional pain to disappear. Magically, my daughter materialized, naked, floating about three feet above the river. Greenish-brown water rose and swirled slowly around the top of her paper white ankles. I noticed a wide bank of dirt behind her and a backdrop of Evergreens far from the shore. A dark grey rough rock, the size of a small adult fist, lifted from the river bed and magically scrubbed the white skin on her torso, arms, and legs. It vanished, and I thanked the rock for its gift. Immediately following, a swirl of water rose from the river and spun around her slowly like a top. Once it reached the level of her head, the spinning increased, then rose and disappeared into the endless sky. While I thanked the water, I watched as Nicole's body dissipated into nothingness.
   My heart beat irregularly feeling blessed to be experiencing this healing.  I was ecstatic to be in this magic world. Thinking the journey was over I began to open my eyes, but unexpectedly, Nicole emerged on the shore right in front of me with her eyes closed. A thin black snake about twelve inches long with red spots slid up around both of her legs and around her torso. Stunned, I watched a thin limbless reptile slither into her left eye. I stood there wondering how the heck this could even happen when suddenly I had X-ray vision and observed the snake shrink into the size of a worm and slither around in her brain chomping down invisible edibles. I was stunned by how real everything seemed. I kept thinking as I was watching, shouldn’t I be freaking out? But for some reason, I trusted this world of the Shaman. It felt so familiar. After thanking rock, water and snake for their healing powers, I started to open my eyes when I realized I had forgotten to thank Shoranda for her protection, so I did.

  I opened my eyes slowly, and even though the room was somewhat dark, I squinted as if shards of light from a lighthouse were shooting directly into my eyes.  I closed my eyes again. Such an unbelievable feeling racked my frame. I was delirious. Tears of joy ran down onto the carpet, euphoria, and serenity, a feeling I hadn’t experienced in an Ice Age. I knew I had journeyed before.  Undoubtedly, I had stepped into a world my soul remembered. I now knew for sure I had been a Shaman in a previous life; it felt so familiar, so at home. I was overjoyed that I had relearned another tool in which to help others.  
    There are many excellent books out there to help you practice Shaman, but I also encourage you to get online and sign up for a weekend workshop. It will change your life. 
   
I learned more about traveling in the Shaman world from this book.

75 Cleansing your house of negative energy will help with positive mood and clearer thinking

   Only after I began taking Reiki classes, a natural healing technique, did I learn the importance of cleansing my house. Yes, I’ve heard of cleaning the house, something I rarely have time for, so I pay someone else to do it. But few people have heard of cleansing the house of negative energy. Now that I clear my home, I notice when the air feels stagnant, and the energy stuck.

   The last few years of teaching, I tried to cleanse my classroom once a week; I should have done it every day. Kids who I didn’t know what I had done came and sat in my classroom during lunch or before school, and even between classes. I asked them why they were here because many times their classroom was next door. One boy looked at me and smiled. "Ms. B., we feel so relaxed in this room. Please, is it okay to be here?
   Just think how much energy transpires in the place you are working: frustration, confusion, anger, worry. This negative energy is not only felt by you but also your coworkers.  And  think of the baggage you carry into the home and your worries about the various news that is happening around the world. Your body is on overload.

   There are numerous ways you can pick up negative energy.  If you are driving on the freeway, you pick up tons of it.  Or think about the arguments you’ve either had at work or at home or the negative thoughts and judgments you might have had in the course of one day. The negative energy not only grabs onto you, but it hangs heavily in the air. Ultimately if these negative thoughts continue, holes will start opening in your aura, (your energy field around you) eventually making you mentally or physically ill.  The aura is an electromagnetic field that surrounds every living being. Factors that influence the aura to change colors are emotions, physical condition, thoughts, level of consciousness, and reactions to surroundings.  The colors of your aura constantly change depending on what you say or think. 

   Also, if anyone in the house is ill; it’s time to clear the space. This will remove the stagnant air and help with the healing. I know, I know, you’re thinking not another chore.  Honest, it will only take 5 to 10 minutes to once or twice a week. And if you have older children, you can teach them how to do it. It will make a massive difference in everyone’s mood in the house.  It will also help release anxiety and stress from the demands of life. When you purify your home, you restore balance and harmony to everyone’s life that's living in the house.  

   I like to use Sage because I enjoy the woodsy smell and because it’s easy to get a hold of.  But Frankincense and Copal can also be used. Sage is one of the quickest ways to get rid of that negative energy. It has been a sacred plant that American Indians have used for thousands of years for healing, energy cleansing and various ceremonies.  I prefer the actual dried leaves which are bound together.

                                                                                                                 I love the smell of Sage

     Using Sage and Frankincense is an excellent combo for chasing away bad frequencies. If you don’t like the smell of Sage, Frankincense is an alternative that has a honey-like aroma.  It provides protection, raises spiritual awareness, and will ease everyone’s stress and anxiety.




 

 Frankincense

Copal

   Another alternative is Copal incense. It is one of the oldest forms of energy cleansing. In fact, in the burial grounds at the Mayan and Aztec ruins, large amounts of Copal resin were found. The resin in the tree is known to have powerful medicinal properties after it sits for ten years curing. You can add it to Frankincense or just burn it alone to alter those negative thoughts into a peaceful, positive attitude.

    Many times you can find these incenses at a  spiritual/healing shop.

How to Cleanse Your Home of Negative Energy – Make it a habit

1.  Open all your windows and hook the curtains around something if they’re blocking too much of the window.  If possible, open all the doors. (Sometimes I can’t do this because there are too many bugs.) This will allow all the negative energy to escape. Pull the blinds up or the curtains back to let in the light.  I always do the cleanse during the day, when the sun is shining.  If I’m doing a quick cleansing, I don’t open the windows.

2.  I know this might sound crazy, but if your house is dirty and cluttered……get organized and clean it.  I've walked into three homes of hoarders, and it felt like someone punched me in the gut. I felt so nauseous. Negative spirits love to hide in this type of house, and negative energy gets stuck in this type of environment.  Get someone to help you if it’s too overwhelming. Notice how the energy in the house feels when you have a clean, organized house. If that's too overwhelming, clean one room at a time.

3.  Light the sage, but make sure you have a heat resistant dish or an abalone shell underneath to catch the falling embers.  I ask for my guides to come in to help me. “Please, dear Father, Mother, and Archangel Michael protect this house and let any negative energy be released.” (You can make up your own prayer and you can ask for any of your guides or angels to help.) If you want, as you smudge each room, say a special cleansing prayer or state your intention out loud. (There are tons of prayers on the internet that you can find if you don’t want to make up your own. This will amplify the cleansing.) I usually start in my kitchen and go clockwise around the house. If I have time, I place a cross on each window. Then I walk around waving my sage in the air, corners and in the closets. Rooms, where electronics are on all the time, need more clearing than others.

   Now, this I rarely do but here’s some additional clearing you can do if you have the time or if you have someone physically or mentally sick in the house. 

    Now that your space is clear, it’s time to fill it with positive energy, which is where the sacred Palo Santo, “holy wood” in Spanish, comes in. It has a slightly sweet and relaxing smell. It has been used for thousands of years. This ancient healing wood is known to bestow blessings of love and light. It is harvested from the Palo Santo trees of South America after it has naturally fallen on the ground. It takes between 4 -10 years for its natural healing powers to become potent. (If I remember right, I found this wood a little difficult to light.) Unlike most incense which burns easily, you must continue to blow on the piece of wood. Walk around your home with the holy wood and ask your angels to bless your space with positive energy.

   If you can’t handle the smell of incense:

    Buy some sea salt and place some in all four corners of each room.  This salt will suck up the bad energy and expel it. To boost the cleansing, grind up saffron and mix it into the salt. After about 48 hours, sweep or vacuum the salt and flush it down the toilet.

    Or you can use white candles which have been used for centuries to remove toxic vibes. There are also candles that are made with therapeutic oils, which makes the cleansing effect more powerful. Light the candle and say a prayer, then walk to each room-clearing your space, then blow it out. I prefer using incense, but Alan sometimes has difficulty with the Sage, so I clear the house once he leaves, I keep the windows open for a few hours. By the time he returns, he notices only a waft of the scent.
   Just like everything cleansing will become a habit, one that everyone in the house will thank you.

74 A few changes in your life could make you feel healthier and happier

   “Don’t put the key to happiness in someone else’s pocket.”  Author unknown.   You know me, I love love,  love quotes.  Must be the English teacher in me.

   It’s human nature to think if we had certain things in our life, we’d be satisfied.  If my daughter would forgive and want a relationship with me, I’d be happy.  If I found the right girlfriend, life would be perfect. (Our son often times felt this way.)  Or if my parents would just listen to me, I’d do better in school. Or if I owned a  C7 Corvette Stingray/Z06/Grand Sport, I would have everything.

   However, we can’t rely on others to make us happy. We must rely on ourselves.  There are no magic incantations or potions to swallow either that is going to make us elated.  Owning that ‘one thing’ or having a certain amount of money or a boyfriend will still not make us content. No one can make us happy except ourselves.

   Do you want to be happy in your life now?  Are you listening? I mean NOW. Well, buckle your seatbelt because you might be doing a little swerving on this new road. Change is not always easy.

Everyone wants to be happy the majority of the day

      Spirituality. For some reason many place spirituality last on their list for happiness and yet I think it should be at the top.  No, you don’t have to find a perfect church, but I do recommend it if you have children you should find a place of worship. Why? Because the Sunday school will reinforce what you teach at home, schools do a little bit, but not as much as a church. Also, there’s a lot of church activities that gives you and your family a sense of community.  And as an adult, it’s nice to meet people who have similar beliefs. 

   If you’re not interested in going to church, find a few minutes every day to sit, close your eyes, take a few nice deep breaths and focus on your heart or your third eye.  Reconnect with God.  Notice what happens physically and mentally.   You’ll notice how calm you’ve become and happier.  (If you like this feeling, read Blog # 7 on how to meditate.  https://othersideofloss.blogspot.com/2017/12/7-do-you-know-how-meditation-helps-or.html

   Exercise is imperative for the body and the mind. Endorphins are released in the body when you exercise which triggers a positive mood. Whether you work out at the gym, play basketball or soccer, or you work out at home, you should exercise at least 4 days a week for at least half an hour, an hour is optimum.  If your goal is to lose fat, you should do at least two but no more than three high-intensity cardio sessions per week. The bodybuilder, Craig Capurso, believes that using more compound movements where you’re standing is essential if you want to lose weight. That means you’re not using the gym machines as often. If you are only training for muscle gain, once or, twice per week should be the limit. Since I want both, I split my hour and do both types of exercise.      

   Eating healthy meals three times a day nourishes the body and the mind. If you are too busy to cook all the time, buy yourself a crockpot. There are only two people in our house, and yet I prepare for six. That’s because I can then serve Alan and me one dinner and then freeze two containers of a meal. I place masking tape on the top and write what’s in it and the date and year.  Then when I have a busy or lazy day, I take the container out a day ahead of time and place it in the refrigerator, and heat it up on the stove the next day.  Rarely do I use the microwave as I believe it zaps the vitamins out of the food.  Then all I have to do is prepare a salad or some vegetables.

   Cut down on the sugar.  The more you eat, the more you crave. Sugar blocks the absorption of essential minerals, including calcium and magnesium. Scientific studies have proven that a deficiency in these two micronutrients leads to sugar cravings.  

   Transform your pantry:  https://www.bodybuilding.com/content/transform-your-pantry-with-these-healthy-staples.html  

   Deep sleep. If you usually have a difficult time turning that brain off, get off that computer a couple hours before you go to bed.  Sleeping at least 6 to 8 hours is essential for concentration, and so you don’t overact to situations.  A decent amount of sleep also reduces stress. What if you can’t turn your brain off?   Rarely do I have this problem since I started meditating.  Try concentrating on your breathing. If something pops into your mind, push it away.  Play meditation music or slow classical music at a low volume if you have difficulty falling asleep.

      Relationships.    It’s easy to get caught up with work and ourselves, but when you focus and give priority to your relationships, you switch the emphasis from yourself onto others. Once you do this, you’ll notice you’re more open to show your love thereby opening the doors to be loved even more.  When we slow ourselves down, we become more aware of ourselves and how we spend our time. This awareness makes us look at our life and work on balancing it.  This, of course, leads to a deeper sense of fulfillment, a happier, and healthier life.  

       Feeding your mind.   When you take fifteen minutes or more to read a good book, your vision of the world expands, your vocabulary increases and your ability to communicate improves.  You become more focused and more vibrant. Also, you feel more alive, and happier.

      Forgiving yourself and others.  Delving into the past doesn’t allow you to live in the present.  Forgive yourself or someone else for your/their mistakes is imperative to stay in the present. Don't beat yourself up. Ask yourself what you’ve learned from your mistakes.  And remember, human beings aren’t perfect, we make mistakes over and over again.  I’ve certainly had a shit load of experience in this area.    
       Pick a cause.  Donate your time to a cause. It doesn't have to be once a week, maybe it's twice a month you are helping out or every other week.
 

Here are some useful techniques which will help you stay in the present, cut ties from family members if you're worried about them too much, or if someone has passed away and you're still emotionally tied to him or her, etc.  

Check out on my blog: https://othersideofloss.blogspot.com/
Blog# 

   7  -  Meditation  - How to quiet the mind

   8  -   Forgiveness

  21 -  Techniques to release negative thoughts about yourself and others

  33 -   Cutting emotional ties to family or friends  (you’ll still love them but not be dragged down)

  36 –  Two quick techniques to return to the now

  51 –  Bounce out of depression or anxiety

  61 –  Stop playing the victim