April 16, 2011
One of our computer technicians at Canoga High
School was killed while riding his motorcycle to Oxnard to spend a
relaxing weekend on his boat. He used to teach history and stage crew at Canoga
High School for some years. Sometimes I would corner him and bombard him with
questions regarding set designs, as I was teaching Play Production.
Many liked Dan because he was extremely comfortable to be around and joked around. He fixed any technical problems we had or helped me understand how to work various programs, and he would only chide me a little when he found a cord unplugged. He was never rude or disrespectful and always loved to take the time to converse. I always had a soft spot in my heart for him. Three days after Dan's death, I sat in a faculty meeting attempting to focus on the information our principal was trying to impart; however, I was finding it difficult. I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was take a nap. Suddenly, I felt this energy push me to the left as I saw Dan's spiritual body shoving himself between his friend, Richard, and me. It felt like a substantial balloon was pushing me to the side. I apologized to the neighboring teacher.
To my
surprise, Dan's neck stretched like a rubber band, so his head was directly
in front of Richard's face. My eyes widened as I had never seen this before
except maybe in cartoons and the movie, "The Mask." Richard obviously wasn't open
to seeing Dan, so he decided to surprise his friend by doing something shocking
in hopes that he would notice him, but Richard obviously didn't because
suddenly, Zap! Dan's energy vanished, along with my feeling of claustrophobia. I
chuckled to myself and brought my attention back to the speaker. A few people
at my table looked perplexed by my facial expressions. I just smiled, gave a quick nod, and
continued smiling and focusing on my principal's message.
A few days later, I decided to
type up the library experience because I feared it would dribble out of my
brain. While typing, 'he had pushed
between us because he was trying to get Richard to notice him,' the 'e' refused to work. I kept hitting the
key over and over again, harder each time, worried that I was going to break my
new computer. Out of frustration, I said, "Will you stop?" My question wasn't
really directed at anything; I was just ticked. Immediately the keys started
working, but after a couple blinks, the key problem started again.
Then it hit me; perhaps it was Kyle, my son, who had passed away trying
to joke around with me like he used to, but I didn't feel him around. So in my
head, I asked, 'Who are you?' Dan popped in with an intense voice, opposite his usual tranquil one, "I wasn't trying to scare Richard; I wanted
him to know I was here, spiritually. If he knew I was nearby, I thought it might help him process his grief faster. We were close." I thanked him for
correcting me, and now the 'e' worked. I couldn't believe this had just happened. Unbelievable. I thought about telling Richard about Dan, but I knew he would roll his eyes, so I didn't.
After about a week, Dan kept popping into my head, saying, "I need to give you a message to my daughter." His voice was anxious, but I was so busy with school and family that I couldn't slow down to take the time to listen to him. Again, the nervousness that I felt from Dan's spirit was unusual as Dan is, or should I say, such a mellow guy. Stacey, his daughter, was a fellow teacher and friend who taught history at the same school. I promised myself that once I got home and put the kids to bed, I'd slow myself down to receive his message.
Well, with helping our kids with homework
and cooking, I forgot about my promise. Finally, after about 5 days and more
pop-ins from Dan, I sat my butt down on the sofa in my kitchen on a Sunday
morning before anyone woke up. I placed a large book on my knees with a piece
of paper and readied my pencil. After taking a few nice deep breaths to
slow my energy down, I softly said, "Okay, Dan, you have my undivided
attention."
" You don't need to write this down." His words were quick and seemed impatient. Before he said anything, I could
feel the energy in the room change and felt his presence.
"But Dan, my memory isn't that great, I've gone through a lot of trauma
these last few years, so I'm afraid I'm going to leave out some important
details if I don't. Also, I'm worried I won't remember our conversation because I'vemediums rarely retain information about what is said. After all, they are
in an altered state." He replied that he understood.
He seemed very agitated as his words spit out rapidly. I don't even know what I was writing; I swear my pencil took over. I felt like I was in a dream-like
state, barely conscious of anything around me as he blurted out his message, and
I, like a mad woman, scribbled away, attempting to keep up.
'I love you so much! (The emotion I felt was so overpowering my stomach tightened into a hard ball. I could hear him struggling to fight back his tears.)
Remember the importance of family. I
know you're angry but remember your family. I'm sorry I wasn't always there for you. Forgive me for not being around for my grandchildren. I was riding my
motorcycle, thinking about what I could have done differently in my life. I'm usually so careful. It's such a strange feeling to be here. I'm so sad I
can't be there for my two youngest kids, but I know you'll be there for them. You've been an amazing daughter. I'm so proud of you. I want to know you'll do
the right thing for everyone. Keep anger out. I love you.'
Then he asked if he could come and talk to me later. I felt very strange
talking to someone I don't know who is in the spirit state. Yes, I've spoken to family members who have
passed away, a close friend and an acquaintance asked me to deliver a message
to their family member, but I was such a chicken shit that they would think I
was crazy that I didn't deliver the message.
Before Dan left, he asked if he could come back and talk to me later. I told him, of course. I glanced at my notes, and I could barely read them, my writing was nearly illegible, and some lines
ran over others and up the side of the page, but I guess that's what happens
when you're in a trance.
I waited two weeks before giving that message to his daughter, Stacey. I
don't know why, but I didn't feel the urgency. Second, I felt like Stacey
wasn't mentally ready to receive word from her dead father, and honestly, I felt awkward and worried about what she would think about me talking to her
dad. Then one day, she told me that she had to speak to me about an incident that
had occurred, so during our nutrition break, I stopped by her room.
She confided that she really believed
in what I had said at her father's memorial, that there is another side once a
person passes away, but you have to keep your eyes, ears, and dreams open for a
visit from the deceased.
Stacy admitted that she was extremely
apprehensive about picking a lawyer regarding her father's estate because
she was frightened about choosing the wrong one. She had asked friends if they
knew of one they could recommend, and she had researched a few and was still confused about which would be the best. But luckily, a friend had referred
someone to her, and she immediately knew he was the right person when he heard
his last name. "His name was Mr. Bun." I looked at her, confused. She smiled,
"Don't you get it, bunny… Mr. Bun. He's been a fabulous lawyer, perfect."
I did get
it. I started laughing. I flashed back to the day of the memorial.
On the way to Stacey's house, I decided to stop by Ralph's Grocery
Store to pick up a sympathy card and some flowers for her. But once I stepped
into the supermarket, I thought, everyone is going to give her flowers, maybe I
can find something different, but I wondered what the heck that was going to be
when my eyes zeroed in on about a twenty-four-inch tall, gorgeous rabbit with
his ears standing straight up. It was made of thin twigs, giant button eyeballs, and a big ribbon wrapped around its neck.
A voice in my head said, 'Buy the rabbit.' Okay, I thought. No voice has
ever told me to buy something before, but I figured someone on the other side
felt it was necessary. I wouldn't know if it was the voice Dan's voice because
the grocery store was a bit noisy, but I had this feeling it was.
When I arrived at Stacey's
house, I had talked myself into leaving it in the car. I knew full well it was
a strange gift to give someone at a memorial. Sitting in the car, I watched
people walk inside the house. I realized I better get my act together, so
finally, I got the nerve to bring the rabbit. I was tempted to leave the rabbit on the table
without explaining why I bought it, but I told myself to stop being a chicken
shit. Stacey walked up to me, welcomed me to her house, and thanked me for
coming. I handed her the rabbit and said, "This rabbit reminded me of your dad. He had such a big stature, and yet he was so mellow and kind." Then I confessed,
"Okay, a voice told me to buy it."
Her eyes were red from crying, yet she still gave me her crooked little smile, hugged me, and said, "It does remind me of my dad." I looked around and felt awkward as so many had brought flowers. Oh, well… I thought. Many of his friends shared their beautiful memories with Dan, and I shared mine.
The
bell rang, and the students nosily entered my classroom. I looked at Stacey
and laughed. I finally got it. "Oh, my
God, I get it now. Bunny… Mr. Bun… Wow! I can't believe it. And that's how you
chose your lawyer?" I was totally in disbelief.
A huge grin spread across
Stacey's face, and she nodded. "I now know my father had sent that bunny message
through you. He never trusted lawyers, so he wanted to ensure I found an
honest one."
I was on the brink of sharing her father's
message, but I knew we had to return to teaching. I still felt the message that
her father had delivered wasn't urgent, so I put off telling her for a few more
weeks. Finally, I got the nerve to share the message during lunch. I said
unsurely, "I hope you're open to your father transitioning to the other side. He is still alive." I watched her face, still unsure of myself. "He gave me a
message a few weeks ago, but I haven't told you because it didn't seem urgent anymore. But I still feel like I need to share it because he and I want you to know
there is another side."
Her eyes widened, and I was positive she was going to tell me I was crazy, but to my surprise, she responded, "After the bunny thing, I defiantly
believe." I read my scribbles from the paper, sometimes having difficulty
deciphering my writing because I had written Dan's message without looking at
the paper.
Stacy wiped away a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "I was overreacting
to some financial issues regarding my stepmother, whom I don't trust. I was
considering hiring a lawyer because I was concerned about not having enough money to put my half-brother and half-sister through school. But I
realized I had to back off because my anger and frustration with my stepmom kept me awake at night, so I've been exhausted, almost unable to function
at school."
She again thanked me for delivering her father's message." I know
exactly what my father was talking about. I guess he was afraid I'd react out
of anger. He wanted me to remember that
family is more important than fighting for the money for my brother and
sister."
