90 Teaching Your Child to Donate some of his/her Allowance or Time Teaches a Life Lesson

 

      
      Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that is known to be a contributor to feeling good about yourself.  When an individual helps others, their serotonin level rises, which improves your mood and modulates cognition, learning, and memory.  

   Nervousness to severe anxiety attacks is extremely normal in our world. Yes, you can reduce anxiety by meditating, taking medication, or exercising. But believe it or not, volunteering is also a way to keep anxiety in check. Wouldn't it be nice to be in a happier state and raise children that are kind and generous beings? Maybe this generation can be called the "Caring Generation" instead of the Millennials, Generation, Generation Y, otherwise dubbed, ‘the Me generation’ who were born from 1980 -1994.

   Even if you don't have children, I'm sure you can facilitate an opportunity with your grandchildren, nieces, or nephews to volunteer at church, school, etc.

 Helping others makes you feel good. 


Suggestions to help make the art of giving a part of your family’s life: (Don't wait until your child is in high school and has to do volunteer work, start them young.) 

1. Teach the importance of sharing. Encourage your child to share her toys or that last cookie.

2.  Talk about how it feels when you share something with your husband or ask her how it made her feel after your child shares something.

3.  Right after Christmas, I would have my children go through their toys and choose a few that they don't play with anymore, and then we'd donate them to the Salvation Army or Goodwill.  If they’re too young, do it with them.  Also, it’s a perfect time to go through their clothes. Again, discuss why you’re donating and how they feel when they give. (Instead of you packing it all in bags, let them do it.  AND if they're old enough, let them carry it into the donation centers.)

4.  Discuss with your children what charities you give to and explain why. (I never thought about doing this, and I donated a fair amount.) Tell your children how you feel when you donate,  buy things for those in need, or help others.

 5. While driving or during dinner, take time to discuss what you do to help others, even if it’s taking the time to listen to a neighbor share his bad day or help out at church or school. Mention how it made you feel when you were able to help.  Make sure your children see you helping others.

6.  Take the time to share personal stories of when you needed help and how others helped you. You’re sharing a part of your history which forms stronger ties between kids and parents.

      By sharing your history, you not only serve as a role model, but you also let your children know you better. (Alan and I never thought about doing this either.) this builds even stronger family ties which will permit you to be a strong influence in their lives.

7.  Once your children become old enough, as a family, spend an afternoon at a food bank or at a community clean-up project donating your time.  This experience will be unforgettable as your children or grandchildren get to help out firsthand. (Vote as a family where to help out.)  Don’t forget to praise their hard work and for giving up their time.

      If your child loves animals and is old enough, encourage her to volunteer at an animal shelter.

    I loved to help people, so I volunteered at a hospital for a few years as a Candy Striper when I was in junior high. This raised my self-esteem and helped me with my shyness.

8.  If you’re giving an allowance to your children, decide what percentage should be given as tithe for your church or have them donate a certain portion to a worthy cause.

      Young children may find the idea of giving a little confusing.  If you suggest that your child donate   $ 1.00 to the Salvation Army, explain that it will help feed and retrain the homeless. Then go to the pet store and buy a couple of dog food and cat food bags and drop it off together at a nearby animal shelter. This is real for your child because he can see the animals in need.   (Beware. You might end up coming home with a pet.) Or maybe your child loves every animal she sees.

9. Remember, generosity can be displayed at home also.  Say kind things to your family members. Take an afternoon and play a game with your children or do some crafts together. (We didn't do enough of this.)  Or make them some favorite cookies or buy them a small toy they’ve been begging for. When you see your children being generous, point it out and praise them, even if they only showed the tiniest bit of kindness. Help them put into words the positive feelings they may have as they help others.

    Make helping out, donating time, and discussing how one feels when you/they do it, a routine will help your children or grandchildren experience some trying times, they’ll hopefully remember the many times they did feel good about themselves, so alcohol and drugs will be the last thing they’ll try.

89 There's A Huge Epidemic of Loneliness In Our Country even before COVID Hit Our Country. What Could Help Alleviate the Problem?

        Social media and texting have kept adults, children, and families communicating more, and yet actual contact is missing.  In a 2018 survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, researchers claim that the United States is experiencing an epidemic of loneliness. Seniors live longer but with a lack of family support close by, and they cannot get out or have more difficulty getting out to meet others, so they stay home. Children are kept so busy with sports and other activities, they don't have time to engage in any close friendships unless the parents take the time to make sure their kids have friends over or the parents can take them over to their friend's homes so they can spend time together.

       The role of friends in America has experienced a noticeable decline. In the May 2021 'American Perspectives Survey,' Americans report having fewer close friendships than they used to. People leaned on their friends less and didn't speak to their friends as often. 

      Of course, now, due to COVID-19, there is an obvious decline in friendship worldwide. However, there are possibly other reasons for this decline. First, Americans are marrying much later and are more mobile than in the past. Second, American parents spend more time with their children than previous generations; therefore, there is less time for other types of relationships. Lastly, Americans, sadly, are working extended hours and traveling more for work, which more than likely comes at the cost of maintaining friendships, let alone building new ones. Since there has been a huge decline in churchgoing, meeting neighbors, or parents at school, more adults are making friends in the workplace.     

    Lonely people tend to have increased blood pressure, weaker immune systems, more depression, and more inflammation throughout the body. 

We've all felt lonely at one time or another, but if it's almost constant, it's not healthy.

       An emptiness poured into my life since I retired five years ago. I missed meeting my teacher friends in the foreign language department to eat lunch and share our lives with each other.  So the first three years, we started attending the Self Realization Temple off and on. Many of the sermons were very poignant and reached us more than most church services, and I liked that many spiritual leaders were honored. But something was majorly missing.  I couldn’t figure it out until my husband, and I decided to return to Woodland Hills Community Church, a church we used to attend. 
      There felt a sense of community. At W.H. Church, people came up to us and welcomed us and asked our names. The other draw is Pastor Craig. He’s vibrant and cares about each person.  (Pre Covid) At the end of the church service, I loved creating a big circle and holding hands to sing the closing song. This allowed us to again reconnect to the church family. And after church, we have coffee and munchies, which again allows us to reconnect as a family.

     A church should offer you a sense of belonging and allow you to share your gifts.  Pastor Craig learned that I was a healer, so he asked me to start a group healing night.  Ooh…. Was that his sneaky way of pulling me in?  Well, it worked. Our church is somewhat small, so to have 12 people at the first group healing evening surprised me. Then Alan, my hubby,  was asked if he’d sing at the Christmas show, which he did, and many complimented him on his gorgeous voice. This made him feel good and, of course, only reinforced his connection with the church.  In other words, get involved. This world is so big and chaotic, easy to get lost in. Sometimes parents become so busy that we forget to slow down to teach lessons of compassion, the forgiveness of self and others, etc.  

     And if you have kids, Sunday school reinforces morals, values, the need to forgive, love, and teaches ways to respect everyone.  This is something that would have possibly helped our children.  Public schools touch upon respect, but do they teach forgiveness and to love oneself and others? 

      I wish I wouldn't have been overwhelmed with teaching theatre and directing shows that the thing I decided to drop to give me more time was church. We stopped going.

      I’m not saying I’d still have a son that was alive or a daughter that actually wanted a relationship with us if we would have gone to church. But I think if anything, they would have received more lessons on values that weren’t taught in the home, and in addition, they would have hung around kids from church who also had similar values, so I guess, yea, maybe things would have been different.

     You don't need to believe in everything in the church's doctrine, but the congregation needs to honor your beliefs. Each of us is on our own spiritual journey. Find a church, mosque, temple, yoga group, Tai Chi, a meditation group, or something that you and your family feel comfortable with and make room in your life to add this experience. I think you might be pleasantly surprised. You'll make friends, and your world will become fuller. Even if you are not ready to return to going out and mixing, find something online. I know it's not as personal, but it is better than being depressed, and you can still make friends.

   

88 Many of us have Lost a Pet in an Unusual Way

    

  

    Alan and I had just finished getting our two munchkins ready for bed when I heard a bang downstairs. At first, I didn’t know what it was, and then I saw a picture of the hamster’s plastic exercise ball in my mind’s eye. “Oh, shit!” I said. "I forgot the hamster was still in his ball.

    I ran downstairs, with Kyle trailing behind me and Alan clamoring at our heels, carrying Nicole.  The ball had evidently fallen off the foyer step and onto the living room rug.  Somehow the door on the ball had unhinged itself and fallen off. Or had I not been paying attention when I placed the door on the ball, so it didn’t clasp correctly?  I picked the ball up, but nothing was in it. Oh, man, where’s the hamster? I thought. I looked under the baby grand piano, but he wasn’t there, and Alan looked around in the living room.  Kyle dropped to his knees and looked under the sofa, nothing.

   Buster, our Scottish Terrier, had run under the stairs, munching on something.  Dropping the ball, I rushed to the dog and surmised that Buster had decided anything running around in his territory that was smaller than he, was fair game.  We followed the culprit into the brightly lit kitchen. Kyle kept yelling over and over, “Drop the hamster!”  I didn’t know what to do. We just stood by like hopeless idiots. I’m sure all of our heartbeats were thumping double time.

Miniature hamster   Vs.  Terrier

   Of course, it didn’t help that Alan kept yelling at me, “Pull it out! Pull the hamster out, now.” Anyone yelling places me in freeze mode. I couldn’t think. Then I looked at Alan holding Nicole, our one in a half-year-old daughter who sat calmly sitting on his hip, watching the whole scene. How could she be so calm? I felt like I had ten cups of coffee.

    “Just reach in and pull it out!” Alan again yelled excitedly.  I grabbed Buster’s collar and fell to one knee and pulled him towards me.  “Hurry up and open the hamster’s mouth!” Nicole leaned over, watching us with an inquisitive look on her face, like a little scientist. Kyle stood by repeating almost every word his dad said in a whiny four-year-old voice.

   Finally, I grabbed Buster’s square jaws and placed pressure on either side of the joints. The back of Buster’s long pink tongue kept lifting up, struggling to get the rest of his meal down. I’m sure he thought I was going to rob him of his delectable dessert. “I see his hairy butt.”

    

   Alan yelled, “Just get it, stop being afraid!”

   “I’m not afraid.” I snapped, a bit louder than I realized.  “I’m just trying to figure out what to do.”

   There was no way this hamster was going to make it out alive even if I could pull him out. Neither of my kids needed to see this execution; therefore, I grabbed Buster’s collar and pulled him outside onto the grass, away from the yelling and away from a sobbing little boy. I slammed the sliding glass door behind me. Alan made a move to follow me outside, and my hand flew up in a stop sign. He knew what I meant. I watched Buster tilt his head back and gulp a couple of times. The hamster was gone.      

   

    Once I opened the door, Kyle ran outside with clenched fists, and sternly said over and over like a stuck record, “Bad dog. Bad, bad, bad dog.”  He followed Buster into the middle of the yard, and of course, our Scottie ignored him while he did his business.  Grabbing Buster's square jaw, he squatted right in front of him and yelled, “I’m very mad at you!” And wagged his finger at him. “You’re a bad dog!” I almost burst out laughing; Kyle sounded and looked so cute.

    Alan, who can’t let anything go, much like Kyle, said, “Why didn’t you pull the hamster out when I told you to?”     

   “How could I do that? All I could see was the butt of the hamster. Plus, that, he had already entered Buster's throat.” I snarled. I was perturbed at Alan because I felt like he was attacking me.

   “Well, I didn’t know how far he was. I thought you could just pull him out since you had pried his mouth open,” Alan explained innocently. “I was just hoping,” Alan said, lifting his eyebrows and giving me that innocent little boy look, which made me soften.

   All of us returned upstairs to watch some nameless T.V. show.  Too hyped to go to bed, we let the kids stay up past their 7 pm bedtime. 

   “What are you going to tell your students?” Alan asked.

   “The truth,” I responded. “They’ll be sad to have lost a class pet, but I think they’ll see some humor in the way they lost him. I’ll buy them a new one.”

    The next day, I dug an honorary hole near the garage and laid some of the sawdust from the hamster cage into the hole and Kyle, and I said a little prayer for the little critter. I then shared how much we enjoyed having him in our lives and what we enjoyed about the furry little miniature hamster, and Kyle remembered some funny stories about the hamster also.  I placed a small stick cross that I had created on his grave, and Kyle pulled a flower off a nearby bush and placed it on the grave also. 

     Kyle was still so angry at Buster that he refused to talk to him or pet Buster for a week. Alan explained to him that Buster did what dogs naturally do and that before dogs became pets, they had to find their food. We also talked to him about the importance of forgiveness.
     Another way to honor a pet is to light a candle and let the whole family take turns sharing the funny stories they remember and the frustrating times.  Thank your pet for being a part of your life and hope he's in pet heaven playing with other animals. 

87 Helpful Suggestions when you have Difficulty Forgiving

     The problem usually starts small: your sister places you on hold so she can take a call from her boyfriend and then forgets you’re waiting for her and disgusted, you hang up. A few weeks later your sister forgets she had promised to babysit the kids and after you call her to remind her, she arrives late, so you’re half an hour late for your appointment.  

      Finally, these disappointments and wounded feelings build up over time, mounting on top of the hurts from childhood until one day you can’t bear to talk to her.  Sadly, that one day turns into a month, six months, a year, and then years pass by.  Your sister has tried to reach out, but nothing seems to reconnect your relationship.  She has sent apology letters; she’s even called and left an apology on your cell phone a few times and sent you Christmas gifts and birthday cards. You finally give your sibling a lot of space, but still, your sister is unwilling to forgive you. What can be done?

    I remember hearing the following story in a Sunday service about two ex-prisoners of war who had met after many years. One of them asked, “Have you forgiven your captors yet?”

   “No, never.” the second man answered.

   The first man replied, “Then, you are still their prisoner.”
 

     

    Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you forgive what she/he did or that it was okay that you were disrespected. It means that you accept that the individual who hurt you is a human being who makes mistakes.  Mending a relationship takes time, hard work, forgiveness, patience, and compassion. 

 It’s hard to forgive. When I lost my son to a heroin overdose, at first I blamed my husband and then myself for his demise. And yet, this is the first thing you need to do. Forgive.  When I’m practicing Reiki, a natural healing modality; on someone, this is one of the things that often pop up, anger. Resentment gets stuck in the body and causes illnesses.  

SOME SUGGESTIONS THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO MOVE FORWARD:

1.  You have to let go of your jealousy, anger, or vindictiveness.  No, it doesn’t mean what your sibling, friend, parents or partner did to you was okay. Having the ability to forgive is powerful. It can lead to a healthier body and mind, and it will give you back a part of yourself that had been missing for a long time.

2.  It doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong because the primary goal is to mend your relationship.  See the other person’s positive traits. Remind yourself that you are human too and make mistakes. Usually, there are more positive qualities than negative: Maybe your sister donates her time to a nearby homeless shelter, or she takes in foster children. You are the bigger person.  You make the first move.  A relationship with family members is important.  Even if your sibling or parent cannot give himself or herself exactly what you'd like in a relationship, accept and love what can be given.

3. When you talk, try to see the other side of the story.  Listen without making any comments or excuses. Keep in mind that the other person probably has some points you need to consider.

4.  When you reach out, first remind the individual that you love her/him so much and that it pains you that your relationship has suffered.  Tell him/her that you want to fix things and understand his/her side of the issue(s).  Remind her that their fight does not alleviate your love for her. Apologize if you need to, even if you think the other person is wrong.

5.  The source of the conflict might not even be about what you think it is, so try to identify the real issue. There might be so many issues that come up, or perhaps you’re presuming the wrong problem.   Instead, slow yourself down. Feel and observe what your sister/friend or spouse is feeling. Listen to his/her fears, needs, expectations, etc.   Don’t be afraid to ask questions to clarify any confusion. Listen intently while he/she tells her side of the story and explains how your behavior had upset her. Do not react.

6.  Watch what you say and how you say it.  You are trying to diffuse a previous conflict, not start a new one.  Stay calm and use words to diffuse the conflict:  

     “What I hear you saying is…”                                  “Ok, you have a point.”                 

     “I’m wondering if…”                                                “I now understand.”

     “I see what you mean.”                                             “May you repeat that?”

     “Tell me more about that.”                                        “I can see how that would upset you.”

7. If your family member refuses to talk to you, give her space, and try to contact her again from time to time. Don’t be resentful of all the effort you’re putting into trying to mend your relationship.  Every person is an individual, and everyone is on their own time schedule.

8. Another alternative might be that you both attend a few therapy sessions together.  If you are at each other’s throats or can’t pinpoint the issue, a therapist can help by giving you tools to improve your relationship. Do not go to the same therapist that you’ve been going to for yourself, choose a different one.

9.  Do not talk to your children about any issues that you are having with their aunt. Let them know you are working on solving the problem, and it has nothing to do with them.  Make sure that you tell them that you love them and are there for them.  (Remember, children are extremely sensitive, and even though they may not understand the words, they pick up on the energy and will sometimes become moody or distant.  Keep on top of this.)

10.  Whether you are having problems with a friend or a relation, it’s emotionally draining, which could make you sick.  If trying to reconnect places too much stress on you or any interaction is continuously painful, you might have to set some boundaries. Take a break and get into counseling. Sometimes the feelings you have might relate to issues that your mom and dad had and might have nothing to do with you and your sister. No matter how much we want to solve the problem, sometimes the other person is not ready, but at least you’ve made an attempt.

   Jack Kornfield writes: “Practicing forgiveness, we may go through stages of grief, rage, sorrow, fear, and confusion." As we let our self feel the pain we still hold onto, once you forgive, it comes as a relief as you release the anger and pain from our heart.  "Forgiveness acknowledges that no matter how much we may have suffered, we will not put another human being out of our heart.”

   As a healer, I cannot tell you how many people I have worked on who are angry and are unable to forgive an individual that has hurt them. This anger festers over time and becomes stuck in the body, causing significant diseases. If you want to regain your mental or physical health, it is imperative to forgive. Each person on this planet is here to learn different lessons. Do not expect your spouse or friend to be where you are. Love, accept, and forgive.

Mayo Clinic. 2011. Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131 (accessed July 20, 2012).

https://jackkornfield.com/the-practice-of-forgiveness/

86 A car accident, or being evacuated from your home due to fires can trigger a trauma that you've had in the past

     The bright fluorescent lights shot their offensive lights down upon Alan and me while we were making a salad. He was cutting up the avocado into small pieces when he commanded, “Stir the salad!”

     I replied, “Alan, I’m ripping up the lettuce, just a minute.”

     He repeated the command, but this time pushed the bowl towards me.

     “You don’t have to talk to me that way. The salad doesn’t need to be stirred immediately.” I was a little pissed.
    "You could easily drop what you're doing. I just want to see how much more avocado I still need to cut," Alan said, giving me a judgmental look.
     I picked up the spoon and started stirring. I was still steaming a bit, but I was proud of myself because I didn't make any judgmental statements.

     A few days later, I realized what had happened.  Both of us were reacting in our own way to the fires that had flared up in nearby Malibu, and Calabasas. We had been evacuated for a few days, which left us unfocused and worried about the loss that might occur: that someone might get hurt, or even worse die, or an animal might not be able to escape or we might lose our home, or our friends might lose theirs. And in the back of our minds, we were scared that the fires might wipe out all of Malibu like the Woolsey fire had destroyed an entire town and had killed innocent people.

 

    Catastrophes might dredge up previous traumas for you, or a loved one, and you aren’t aware of it until after you’ve bitten the head off of someone you love or you become depressed or start drinking a bit too much to take the edge off.  I tend to react to trauma internally, which makes me a bit moody, Alan's external; he reacts.

    Any type of catastrophe, a fire, earthquake, or a horrible car accident might kick up old memories. Your body might remember when you moved around every year to a new school, or you had lost a beloved animal to a hit and run. Or maybe your mother was in a horrible accident, and you almost lost her.  Yes, other traumas get kicked up again, even though you haven't been near a fire. If someone pulls out in front of you, don’t lose it, and start cussing at them or giving them the finger, a honk of the horn will tell them you're there.

    I had a few flashbacks of traumas I had experienced after I had returned to my home; luckily, I was able to go to my therapist to release them through EMDR. But what if you can't go to a therapist right away, so you're reacting? (Blog #4 explains EMDR and other techniques a therapist might use. Keep an open mind and find the one that best technique that works for you.)

A few techniques that you can try at home if you start reacting to a memory:  Tap or rub your right leg while you're remembering your trauma while noticing the texture of them. Continue tapping/rubbing- right,  left,  right, left until you feel better while breathing slowly. While doing this technique, take a deep breath in through your nose and expel the air forcefully through your mouth a few times until you feel like you are yourself again. This is called Dragon Breathe.  

   Another technique called Havening is to cross your arms and rub up and down on your upper arms at the same time while using the Dragon Breathe until you have calmed down. Or rub your hands horizontally.  This calms your nervous system down.
   You are taking that reaction/memory from the right side of the brain, which is the emotional/reaction side of the brain and switching it to the left, the logical side. Our body does not realize that the trauma doesn't exist anymore, so it's necessary to release this emotion.
    Take care of yourself. Please be kind to yourself and others. And if you are still reacting or feel depressed, call a professional for help.

85 Many of us aren't Prepared for a Disaster if it hits our area - Food, Important Papers, First-Aid Supplies

   Often times it takes a disaster to force us to get busy and put a list together of supplies needed for a fire, earthquake, hurricane, or flood and buy them.  Have you thought about it? What would you take?  What’s important to you? Take a day and discuss it with your family, then research the necessary items. I've included quite a bit here, but if your kids are old enough, include them in this conversation and write the ideas down. Then read this blog and do further research.

When we were first evacuated in the late ’80s due to a fire, our son who was about three, didn’t bring his favorite toys, he brought the container of toothpicks. And my husband, who was the only one home when told to evacuate took his two guitars even though I had told him a day ahead of time to get all our photo albums. He said, “I don’t remember you telling me that?  Funny, huh? Well, I didn’t think so at first. But this is what happens to our brain when we are under stress, we can’t think.  That’s why a list needs to be made and taped inside a kitchen cabinet, and everyone in the house needs to know where it is. Where is the meeting place going to be? Obviously, if the fire or flood or even an earthquake happens, get your butt out pronto!

  Your Most Important Papers

     Whether you live in a hurricane state, high fire area, flood state, or an earthquake state, you should have your important papers nearby. If a flood or fire destroys your home, you could spend months trying to figure out where t to find the essential documents you need. And when we are stressed, we tend to forget things. Get all papers important copied and placed in a safe fireproof or waterproof container. 

Here are a few links that could be helpful, 

https://brimstonefireprotection.com/collections/all

https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=fireproof+and+waterproof+bag&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=220255779083&hvpos=1t3&hvnetw=g&

Some suggestions:

List of personal contacts

Passports

Deed to the house

Proof of insurance (health, fire, flood, house, earthquake, etc.) 
Medical records or at least medical I.D. numbers

Social security cards.

   Since we are in a digital age, take a picture of everything above, and have another copy of everything in a portable case.   You can use Dropbox or the Cloud in which these photos can be saved or use a memory stick that you carry around or have in the car. Make sure everything is up to date, including your insurance. If your house has gone up in value, maybe you should raise your insurance coverage. Find out what hazards your area faces, and make sure you’re protected against them. Just because you have fire insurance doesn’t mean it covers for floods.

Basic Items for Survival 

FOOD: You need at least a three-day supply of non-perishables for each person. I write the date I bought the item in permanent marker on the top. (I use all items within two years and that includes the water.  And then I replenish everything.) Don’t forget the can opener. Pack protein bars, jerky, dried fruit, trail mix, cereal bars, some candy as long as it won’t melt. Buy a large plastic storage container to keep it away from the pests.

Water: Have on hand at least a gallon of water per person. This is for drinking and washing. Don’t forget to add additional water if you have pets.

https://www.amazon.com/Water-Storage-System-Shelf-Gallon/dp

Battery- operated radio:  Target, Wallmart, Red Cross, etc.; should have these available. Receiving info on the cell may not work if satellites not working or in our case, in 2019, the electric company turned off the electricity due to a fire which was miles away, so cells didn't work, so I'm paying extra for a landline. Give yourself options.

Flashlights/ batteries :    (If you have experienced a natural disaster, you will have no idea if you have a gas leak. Be safe.) The best thing is to have a few flashlights upstairs and downstairs and in the garage. Store extra batteries in the freezer, they’ll last a long time.  L.E.D. flashlights are the best as they are very bright.

First-Aid Supplies:

    Two pairs of sterile gloves                                                                          

    Adhesive bandages and sterile dressings

    Soap or another cleanser

    Antibiotic towelettes and ointment

    Burn ointment

    Eyewash

    Thermometer

    Scissors

    Tweezers

    Petroleum jelly

    Aspirin or non-aspirin pain reliever

    Stomach analgesics such as Tums, Pepto-Bismol

    Laxative

Sanitation and Hygiene Supplies:

   Tons of paper towels

    Moist towelettes

    Toilet paper

    Garbage bags

    Plastic ties

    Shampoo

    Toothpaste and toothbrush

Additional Items:

   Masks for each person if in an earthquake area

   Plastic sheeting and duct tape just in case you need to seal your makeshift shelter from airborne  

   particles that could be unhealthy.

   A whistle to signal for help

   Toys or other comfort items for kids

   Cash

   Puzzles/games

   Extra cell phone chargers

   Extra clothing

   Sleeping bags/blankets

   Fire extinguisher

   Glasses/contact lenses

  You are going to have to update your kit every so often, check expiration dates. Replace food and water.  I write dates on everything that is food and water.  I change it out every spring. In other words, pick a date that you will remember.  

  Costco online has a lot of First Aid and earthquake items, but I know there are other companies out there. Red Cross medical supply containers tend to be a little expensive.

https://www.ready.gov/build-a-kit

84 How to let a Family Member Go When They're Ready to Die.

Honor.....and let go

   One of the hardest things in life is to honor someone’s wish and give them permission to transition to the other side, in other words,  to die. Because I'm a Reiki Practioner I've had to deal with this issue a few times in regards to my clients, but it's even harder to accept when it's a family member who is telling you 'It's time.'

     I was working on my stepfather again long distance off and on for about a month when I heard a soft voice in my head say, "It's time for me to go." This time I didn’t cry like I had two years earlier with another client who said he was ready to go. "It's for the best," my stepdad said. This time I didn't think of what I wanted or my family.  I respected and honored his wishes. My mother called and told us he had reentered the hospital, so we let Kyle and Nicole, our teens, decide whether to drive back to Arizona with us again as we had just visited my parents two weekends earlier.

     My mom was surprisingly calm, but I guess losing someone was no stranger. She had lost her sister to leukemia when she was pretty young and then she lost her first child when he was two, and her first husband to a heart attack when he was in his early 30’s. Lastly, my brother had passed away with lung cancer in his early 30’s.

    I think it was my little brother, James, who suggested we enter the hospital room as couples, to share some of our special memories with Jim, our stepdad. At first, I was blinded by the diffused light pouring through the window, but slowly my eyes adjusted.  My father’s health had deteriorated so quickly, and yet still he looked completely healthy on the outside. He had an inoperable tumor on his brain. The specialist told him that he had a couple of months, and yet only a month had passed.  We let him rest for a while as our visit had tired him.

    Later that day, we decided to gather around the bed as a family. My little brother, James, suggested that we share what or how our stepdad had helped us. An excellent idea, I thought.  My brothers and I thanked him for taking care of our mom so well and being such a great stepdad.  He couldn’t talk anymore, but a crooked grin appeared on his face, and a few tears rolled onto the pillow.

   Then he did something strange. He kept pointing up to the ceiling. A couple of people looked up but found nothing unusual.  Someone asked what he was doing.  I felt a bit uncomfortable at first, but no one answered, so I broke the silence. “He’s telling us that he’s ready to go home.”  A few looked at me strangely, not so sure of my interpretation. Again, I was receiving information, I guess I was channeling or reading his mind. I really didn’t think about it at the moment. "To heaven." I continued even though I was sure a few of my family members wondered how I was privy to this info. "He told me while I was working on him long distance that it was time. He needs to know that you’re okay to let him go. He wants you to know he’s not afraid to die.” 

    I received a few bewildered looks, but each of us let Jim know that it was okay to pass to the other side. But when it came time for his son, Eric, to say something, he tightened his lips, tears rolled down his cheeks. “I can’t do that.”

    Softly, I said, “Eric, he needs to know that we’ll all be okay even if he passes to the other side.” But Eric shook his head and rushed out of the room, bumping his shoulder on the doorway on the way out.

     My brother James said in his smooth voice, “I’ll talk to him. He needs a little more time.”

     Alan laid his hand on my arm. “Tina, we have to go if we’re going to make it home tonight. I have work; you and the kids have school.” He saw the disquiet on my face. “There’s nothing you can do.” We had already stayed longer than we had planned. It’s hard to let someone go. We don’t want to lose them and are somehow comforted by seeing their physical presence.  I squeezed my dad's hand and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, dad,"   then turned to Alan and nodded in agreement.

     After about two hours on the freeway, my cell rang.  It was my little brother, James. “Eric went in and talked to his dad for about fifteen minutes, and then he called the rest of us into the room. Jim just passed a few minutes ago.”

    “Good. I was hoping Eric would let him go today.” James and I  talked about where mom was going to stay because neither of us wanted her to be alone right now and then we said our goodbyes.

 HOW TO COMMUNICATE TO A  PERSON WHO HAS PASSED AWAY

    We can’t stand that a loved one won’t be there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on, so it’s scary to let a loved one go.  But once the person passes, you can still talk to them if you are open to it. Take some nice deep breaths to slow your vibrations down and call your loved ones spirit in. It might take a little while at first. Be patient. Sometimes you might hear their voice, or see a hummingbird fly by, (a favorite bird of my mother’s). Be observant. Once you wake up in the morning, try and remember your dreams because many times, someone who has passed will come in during your Dreamtime. Kyle came into Alan's dream Blog #46. Or their favorite song might play on the radio. I have a relationship still with my mom, my stepdad, Kyle, and my brother, Alex. But remember, don't be selfish and take up too much of their time, as they do have another life up in heaven.

83 Have you ever envisioned yourself as an owl to see better in the dark, or a jaguar

                                                       FROM MY JOURNAL                             September 9, 2010   
  

     Before we could head out to our other place in northern Cal., we still had a drug meeting up in Topanga to facilitate. It was our first meeting. I was in hopes that it would start an anti-drug program in Topanga. After we lost Kyle to heroin, we thought that we might be able to help other Topangans who were dealing with family members that are struggling with drugs.  I was still dazed and worried about what to say to the reporters and photographers from the Topanga Messenger, our local newspaper, and to the fifty people who showed up. We shared our painful stories, and many shared their experiences with their loved one's entanglement with various drugs.  It was a weeknight, and I was exhausted from a full day of teaching.  I kept thinking when is this meeting going to be over, so we can drive to our slice of heaven.

     Finally, we were on the road driving the long, mind-numbing seven-hour drive to our new woodsy house. This time, because it was so late, we decided to only drive halfway that evening. Alan had already driven the first two hours. “Can you wipe the dog slop from your side of the window?” My husband grumbled. “I can barely see out the side mirror. I don’t understand why every time I slow down or stop, Topper stands up on your lap to look out as if he was the Captain of this ship. Can’t you hold him down?
   Westies are always curious

    Alan sounded a bit grumpy I was sure because of the meeting. “No, he’s just curious.” I spat on my long sleeve shirt and rubbed the nose snot off the window that our West Highland Terrier had left. Alan pulled over to a gas station and filled up with gas. Then the three of us did our business.

     Once I slid into the car, I shifted all the levers on the seat so I could reach the pedals. Alan’s Ford Escape now seemed like a massive ship to me, especially since I was currently driving a Mini-Cooper. I was tired. Since the school budget was cut, some of my classes have over forty students, and our school had voted that we’d teach an additional course. I’m zapped even more these days, but I guess that’s what depression does.  All I wanted was just to be closer to our destination before we check in to a hotel.  A vision of an eagle came into my mind's eye, so I decided to try something which I had done a couple of times when I was a kid.

       Alan’s eyes were already closed for a nap. “Tina, slow down! You’re driving too fast!” my husband barked.

      “Don’t worry, I have a technique,” I said smoothly.

      “What is it?” 

      “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.” A running joke we have between us.

      Alan laughed, “Oh, in other words, it’s your witch stuff.” He sat up straight and looked at me. “Go ahead, tell me.”

     Still, I was apprehensive about sharing.

     “Remember,  I’m now a believer in your Reiki Healing.” He tried to reassure me.

     “Yea, only after you experienced how it could help you,” I teased. “Okay,” I paused, still unsure about sharing. “ I envision myself as a beautiful eagle with a pure white head and neck, a light brown body with the last two inches of my wing feathers also dipped in white, flying over the freeway. I feel like there’s an invisible veil over me, protecting our car from any radar detector. "   I chuckled. "This so weird.”  

     Alan scooted back down in his seat and closed his eyes without making a sound. I was positive his tongue was bleeding from biting it so hard. Feeling the cool breeze under my extended wings, I propelled myself even higher.  I chuckled to myself.

     At first, I tried to focus on a full view of what was on either side of the freeway, but I was afraid that if all my energy wasn’t focused on ‘being the eagle’ our car was going to be detected.  I don’t know where that feeling came from, but I followed my instincts.

     “You are so weird, but that’s what I love about you,” he mumbled.

 Beautiful Golden Eagle

     I flapped a few more times than glided, hovering over the highway for quite some time. Now the black sky seemed to lighten, which permitted me to easily see the span of two freeways. Or maybe because I was an eagle, my vision had improved. My heartbeat increased; this was so unbelievably cool.  I enjoyed the freedom I had never experienced in my entire life, at least in this life. It was absolutely exhilarating.

     I remember when I was in third grade, and we lived in Florida, the neighborhood kids, my brothers and I were outside playing hide-in-go-seek when I became frustrated because I could barely see in the tar-like darkness. When all of a sudden, a thought popped into my head, and without questioning it,  I allowed myself to morph into an owl to borrow his eyesight. I wasn't shocked that I could see everything clearly.  Another time I remember borrowing this magic when I was about to compete in a race at school. I listened to my steady quick breath and saw myself as a beautiful black jaguar. I won a second-place ribbon running against all the sixth graders in my school.

      I never wondered as a child where I had learned this technique, but once I had taken some Shaman workshops, I knew what  I had done.  I had journeyed.  I often wondered if my unconscious mind or cells had remembered a previous life because I am 16th Cherokee Indian.

     “There’s a cop two hundred feet away, slow down!”  Alan commanded.  My eyes followed his pointed finger, and I recognized a black and white car parked on the dirt medium, separating the freeways.

      I don’t know why I was so confident, “Don’t worry.  We’re okay.  He’s not going to see us.” 

We passed the police car smoothly while going 85 mph in a 60 mph zone.

      “God d_ _ _!  How did you do that?”(Alan rarely cusses.)

      “Stop condemning God.”

       “I mean, darn.” He looked at me, surprised, “I don’t get it. I always get tickets when I speed.”

        Smiling, I still maintained focus while the winds whispered through my wings.

    Years later I learned in a Shaman workshop that people who do this technique need to be very careful as they make their car invisible to everyone so a nearby vehicle could drive into your lane thereby hitting you. That scared me a bit.