84 How to let a Family Member Go When They're Ready to Die.

Honor.....and let go

   One of the hardest things in life is to honor someone’s wish and give them permission to transition to the other side, in other words,  to die. Because I'm a Reiki Practioner I've had to deal with this issue a few times in regards to my clients, but it's even harder to accept when it's a family member who is telling you 'It's time.'

     I was working on my stepfather again long distance off and on for about a month when I heard a soft voice in my head say, "It's time for me to go." This time I didn’t cry like I had two years earlier with another client who said he was ready to go. "It's for the best," my stepdad said. This time I didn't think of what I wanted or my family.  I respected and honored his wishes. My mother called and told us he had reentered the hospital, so we let Kyle and Nicole, our teens, decide whether to drive back to Arizona with us again as we had just visited my parents two weekends earlier.

     My mom was surprisingly calm, but I guess losing someone was no stranger. She had lost her sister to leukemia when she was pretty young and then she lost her first child when he was two, and her first husband to a heart attack when he was in his early 30’s. Lastly, my brother had passed away with lung cancer in his early 30’s.

    I think it was my little brother, James, who suggested we enter the hospital room as couples, to share some of our special memories with Jim, our stepdad. At first, I was blinded by the diffused light pouring through the window, but slowly my eyes adjusted.  My father’s health had deteriorated so quickly, and yet still he looked completely healthy on the outside. He had an inoperable tumor on his brain. The specialist told him that he had a couple of months, and yet only a month had passed.  We let him rest for a while as our visit had tired him.

    Later that day, we decided to gather around the bed as a family. My little brother, James, suggested that we share what or how our stepdad had helped us. An excellent idea, I thought.  My brothers and I thanked him for taking care of our mom so well and being such a great stepdad.  He couldn’t talk anymore, but a crooked grin appeared on his face, and a few tears rolled onto the pillow.

   Then he did something strange. He kept pointing up to the ceiling. A couple of people looked up but found nothing unusual.  Someone asked what he was doing.  I felt a bit uncomfortable at first, but no one answered, so I broke the silence. “He’s telling us that he’s ready to go home.”  A few looked at me strangely, not so sure of my interpretation. Again, I was receiving information, I guess I was channeling or reading his mind. I really didn’t think about it at the moment. "To heaven." I continued even though I was sure a few of my family members wondered how I was privy to this info. "He told me while I was working on him long distance that it was time. He needs to know that you’re okay to let him go. He wants you to know he’s not afraid to die.” 

    I received a few bewildered looks, but each of us let Jim know that it was okay to pass to the other side. But when it came time for his son, Eric, to say something, he tightened his lips, tears rolled down his cheeks. “I can’t do that.”

    Softly, I said, “Eric, he needs to know that we’ll all be okay even if he passes to the other side.” But Eric shook his head and rushed out of the room, bumping his shoulder on the doorway on the way out.

     My brother James said in his smooth voice, “I’ll talk to him. He needs a little more time.”

     Alan laid his hand on my arm. “Tina, we have to go if we’re going to make it home tonight. I have work; you and the kids have school.” He saw the disquiet on my face. “There’s nothing you can do.” We had already stayed longer than we had planned. It’s hard to let someone go. We don’t want to lose them and are somehow comforted by seeing their physical presence.  I squeezed my dad's hand and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, dad,"   then turned to Alan and nodded in agreement.

     After about two hours on the freeway, my cell rang.  It was my little brother, James. “Eric went in and talked to his dad for about fifteen minutes, and then he called the rest of us into the room. Jim just passed a few minutes ago.”

    “Good. I was hoping Eric would let him go today.” James and I  talked about where mom was going to stay because neither of us wanted her to be alone right now and then we said our goodbyes.

 HOW TO COMMUNICATE TO A  PERSON WHO HAS PASSED AWAY

    We can’t stand that a loved one won’t be there for us when we need a shoulder to cry on, so it’s scary to let a loved one go.  But once the person passes, you can still talk to them if you are open to it. Take some nice deep breaths to slow your vibrations down and call your loved ones spirit in. It might take a little while at first. Be patient. Sometimes you might hear their voice, or see a hummingbird fly by, (a favorite bird of my mother’s). Be observant. Once you wake up in the morning, try and remember your dreams because many times, someone who has passed will come in during your Dreamtime. Kyle came into Alan's dream Blog #46. Or their favorite song might play on the radio. I have a relationship still with my mom, my stepdad, Kyle, and my brother, Alex. But remember, don't be selfish and take up too much of their time, as they do have another life up in heaven.