76 My first experience journeying just like Juan Castaneda, the Shaman

    After we lost a daughter, who decided to escape from all the turmoil in our family to live her own life, and then we lost a son to a heroin overdose a year later, I floated around in the land of limbo for a while. Then slowly feelings came back. Judging oneself and others take a horrible toll on the body and the mind. The pain, the disgust, the guilt, the anger… All spun around in my head from the moment I dragged myself out of bed until I hid in the dark of my bedroom, attempting to hide from the pain.

   I realized I had to forgive myself and my husband. Therefore, it was essential to be aggressive about healing or I would end up in a psych ward or a divorce. Paying three hundred dollars an hour to tell someone my problems and then listen to the suggestions or insights that mirrored my close friends, frustrated me. I wasn’t moving forward: I was trapped in a pit of tar unable to escape.  But thank God. Finally, I found trauma counselors that used techniques that worked for me. And I delved even deeper into learning natural healing techniques.

   One day after having an acupuncture treatment, I walked around the corner of  Pine Tree Circle,  a building with a few retail shops and offices in Topanga, because in front of Desi Yoga, I knew I would find various New Age magazines. I picked up a couple, and a few days later I leafed through them and found a Psychic Intuitive class I was interested in, and an event called the Conscious Life Expo which has an abundance of spiritual and New Age lectures, workshops, and exhibits. I prepaid for an Introduction to Shaman Workshop which would be held in one of the many conference rooms at the LAX Marriott Hotel. Shamanism has always fascinated me, maybe because I have a tiny bit of Cherokee Indian in me. It just seems natural to heal with the elements and animals to alleviate traumas affecting the spirit and body.

   Hank Wesselman is an anthropologist and Hawaiian Shaman. He was a tall man with a medium frame. His neatly trimmed Comic Con beard was almost entirely grey, as was his slightly curly and he had a receding hairline. If I had passed him on the street, I would have never guessed him a Shaman. He lit the incense and explained that it would expedite clearing the room of negative energy and that lighting a candle would help raise the vibrations. All of this would help us travel to the spirit world easier. He asked, “How many of you have journeyed? Maybe about five people out of the eighteen had raised their hand. “To journey,” he shared, “is surprisingly easy, but first, you need to set a goal before you enter into the spirit world."
   He informed us that it's also necessary to play a rhythm instrument at a steady beat before journeying and have someone else play shaman music while you are journeying or play shamanic drumming in the background on your phone or laptop. This steady beat changes the brain waves so that you can travel in this mystical world. He lit a white candle sitting on the table at the front of the room. I felt like a child ready to step into my first roller coaster ride. Hank’s low, soothing voice was effortless to listen to, and the information was intriguing.

    For protection, he shared that we needed to ask our animal guides or angels to accompany us on our journey as they would help protect us and aid us with the healing. If we didn’t have one, we were to ask for our animal guide or angel to show itself and welcome him or her. At the end of the healing, we weren’t to forget to thank the guides for protecting us or any of the elements: wood, air, water, fire, and earth that came into the journey to heal. 

   Hank suggested that we become comfortable, so I stretched out on the carpet with my light jacket covering my upper torso because as usual, the conference rooms are always too cold for me. The drumming began. In the background, I continued to hear Hank’s voice reminding us that as we travel to this magical place to be aware of what arises because many times the elements or various animals might appear to work on the person or the situation. We must remember what transpired since these journeys are symbolic, later we must analyze what they represent. In a lulling voice, Hank guided us to listen to the drum, and as the droning beats became louder, the magical cadence delved me deeper and deeper into a trance, I realized I had entered into the magic world of the Shaman. Sharonda, my wolf, already appeared while Hank was talking.

   About seven years earlier I was drawn to any picture, story or artwork in which wolves were the subject. Someone had mentioned that it was more than likely my animal guide. I didn’t know what that meant so when I arrived home I pulled my laptop out and learned what an animal guide was, how to meet this guide and how to find out his/her name. I had sat on the floor in my bedroom with a candle lit and had played beautiful meditative music in the background, closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths then asked for my animal guide to appear. In a few minutes, in this dream-like world, I opened my eyes. I saw myself seated cross-legged in a clearing. An invisible wall encircled me about ten feet, pushing dense fog away from me as if protecting me. I was barely able to see the limbs of trees drooping from above, I was in the woods. I wasn't frightened, just curious.

   Again, I asked for my spirit animal to show itself. At first, I saw a squarish nose push through the fog and soon its head. The wolf studied me as if he/she didn’t trust me. I asked the animal, “Are you my guide?”

   A beautiful calming voice replied, “Yes.”  Her mouth didn’t open like a character from a cartoon, we communicated telepathically. She must have finally felt safe because she walked entirely out of the fog into the clearing. I asked for a name, and she told me it was Shoranda. She was absolutely huge, maybe about 140 pounds and gorgeous. (I'm used to my 18 pound Scottish Terrier.) She had a white undercoat with a soft grey throughout her coat with distinct black tips around her ears and throughout her body. I remember thanking her for deciding to be my guide, and she had bowed her head. But that’s all I did. I didn‘t know how to journey, so I never used her in any healings.
 
    I wasn’t surprised when I learned that I had a wolf for my guide because I had been drawn to any picture of them and somehow pictures were showing up in magazines or on T.V.  I lingered there in the midst, staring at this incredible creature, my heart pounding as if I had just seen my favorite movie star. It felt so strange to experience this magical world. But I realized this wasn't the first time. When I was young, I remember loving everything about owls and for some odd reason when I needed to see better at night, I would ask for owl’s help and believe it or not, my bad eyesight improved. Don’t even ask me how I knew as a third grader to ask for owl's help. Then in 6th grade, the top runners were competing, I asked for Jaguar to help me. I felt like I had melted into his body. I won 2nd place.   Now I wonder if I had been a Shaman in another life. I am a teensy weensy Cherokee Indian.

  Before I journeyed, I had already decided to work on healing my daughter first. I knew with all the negative feelings that she had internalized and the loneliness she felt more than likely caused her fibromyalgia. Of course, I asked her soul for permission to work on her emotional and physical pain: I didn’t want to push my will on her because I knew it would be considered dark magic if I didn’t receive permission. A soft silky drawn out 'yes' was heard. ( I always asked permission to do Reiki on her long distance and sometimes I received a 'no.')

    In this new magical world, I stated that I would like Nicole’s fibromyalgia, asthma, and emotional pain to disappear. Magically, my daughter materialized, naked, floating about three feet above the river. Greenish-brown water rose and swirled slowly around the top of her paper white ankles. I noticed a wide bank of dirt behind her and a backdrop of Evergreens far from the shore. A dark grey rough rock, the size of a small adult fist, lifted from the river bed and magically scrubbed the white skin on her torso, arms, and legs. It vanished, and I thanked the rock for its gift. Immediately following, a swirl of water rose from the river and spun around her slowly like a top. Once it reached the level of her head, the spinning increased, then rose and disappeared into the endless sky. While I thanked the water, I watched as Nicole's body dissipated into nothingness.
   My heart beat irregularly feeling blessed to be experiencing this healing.  I was ecstatic to be in this magic world. Thinking the journey was over I began to open my eyes, but unexpectedly, Nicole emerged on the shore right in front of me with her eyes closed. A thin black snake about twelve inches long with red spots slid up around both of her legs and around her torso. Stunned, I watched a thin limbless reptile slither into her left eye. I stood there wondering how the heck this could even happen when suddenly I had X-ray vision and observed the snake shrink into the size of a worm and slither around in her brain chomping down invisible edibles. I was stunned by how real everything seemed. I kept thinking as I was watching, shouldn’t I be freaking out? But for some reason, I trusted this world of the Shaman. It felt so familiar. After thanking rock, water and snake for their healing powers, I started to open my eyes when I realized I had forgotten to thank Shoranda for her protection, so I did.

  I opened my eyes slowly, and even though the room was somewhat dark, I squinted as if shards of light from a lighthouse were shooting directly into my eyes.  I closed my eyes again. Such an unbelievable feeling racked my frame. I was delirious. Tears of joy ran down onto the carpet, euphoria, and serenity, a feeling I hadn’t experienced in an Ice Age. I knew I had journeyed before.  Undoubtedly, I had stepped into a world my soul remembered. I now knew for sure I had been a Shaman in a previous life; it felt so familiar, so at home. I was overjoyed that I had relearned another tool in which to help others.  
    There are many excellent books out there to help you practice Shaman, but I also encourage you to get online and sign up for a weekend workshop. It will change your life. 
   
I learned more about traveling in the Shaman world from this book.