115 - My Dead Son Warned Me But I Didn't Listen

         For a couple hours, I worked on my memoir, then packed up my writing material, and my computer. Lastly, I gathered my French books and stuffed them into my bookbag. (Now retired, I don’t want to lose the language, plus I want to keep my brain active.)  Probably due to the fact that I had a glass of wine, sugar, my enemy, I felt kind of spacey that morning.  Suddenly I felt Kyle's presence which rarely happens now that he has been up in heaven these last 11 years.  I thought, Hey, how come I can't always get in contact with you? 

     Be careful, he said, in a somewhat commanding voice, totally ignoring my question.

     "And what am I supposed to be careful about?"

     He responded in a calm voice,  Just be careful. Then, pop! Gone. I guess he was busy; usually, we have a few seconds of conversation. But I had learned a while ago that it's difficult to carry on a long conversation with someone who has passed away because you don't have much in common anymore and talking about the past gets a bit old.

     Okay, I thought, I'll be careful, confused about what I'm supposed to watch out for. 

     After packing the car, it was time to wake up Alan, and then we’d be on our way up north to our other house.  I was at the wheel of his Ford Escape, on Grapevine Hwy., with two dogs in the back in their kennel,   I had passed a couple cars; okay, it was more than a couple while ascending the steep hill and decided to slow down once I reached the peak.  I turned on my signal, and as I was pulling safely into the next lane and released the accelerator, I glanced at my speedometer, knowing I should slow down even more. And then I saw him,  a cop car parked at the top of one of the side roads built for trucks that have problems with their brakes. He had something in his hand that he was looking at.  “He got me,” I said.  Immediately, he hopped into his car. 

     Alan gave me a strange look, not understanding because he was on his cell with a client trying to maintain his cool, so I didn’t repeat my comment because, unlike me, I can do two things at once, usually.

   "The black box must be a radar machine." The cop car's light was on but no siren, possibly because he saw me already heading over to the right. I wasn't upset; I was guilty. It took me a while to pull over to the shoulder as there was a sea of cars that day.  At last, I safely pulled over, and Alan gave me a, what's up to look, so I explained again, "Cop, I was speeding." He nodded.

  Yup! He Got me.

     I rolled down the window, and I said through a sheepish grin," You got me!"  I knew I was guilty.

     His boyish hardened face, melted and he laughed, surprised at my admission.  He chuckled slightly, and gave me a crooked grin. “You were going 92. May I see your registration and driver’s license?”

   “Are you sure? When I looked at the speedometer, it read 85.”  Honest, I wasn’t lying. That’s what I had read. Then I wondered if he got me coming up the peak of the hill. I had no idea how fast I was speeding up the hill, but I must admit I had felt like a wild horse leading her pack. 

     He handed me the ticket and said, “I lowered it to 85,” and gave me this big grin. “You can either go to traffic school if you haven’t had an infraction for the last 18 months. I couldn’t find one, so I guess you’re clear.  Or you don’t have to since you haven’t had one for  a while.”

         “I don’t think I’ve had one for about 15 years,” I said as I accepted the ticket. I asked him how I could sign up for a class, and he wrote down the info on my ticket, explaining that I’ll also get info in the mail.  “I think I’ll take the traffic school.”

        “Then the points will be expunged,“ he informed.

        “Thanks,” I said, waving the ticket.”  He gave me a quizzical look. “For at least lowering the speed,” I chuckled.

         He nodded, now understanding, and grinned. “You’re welcome. Have a good day.”

         Alan returned to the car and suggested I follow through on taking the class, and I agreed.  “That ticket is going to cost at least $200. What a waste of money.” I folded the ticket and placed it inside my purse.

       Sowly, I gained speed as the cop followed behind me, probably trying to create a safety buffer, so cars will slow down as I'm trying to get into the slow lane.  

     Only later, after driving for another half an hour, then pulling over to fill up with gas and some pretty dang good roadside tacos, did it hit me. "Oh, shit, that's what he meant."

      Alan looked at me, confused. "What are you talking about?"

      I shared that Kyle had popped in for a split second that morning and said, “Be careful.” He didn’t explain; he just repeated the warning and then split.  Alan ignored my comment and took another bite of his taco, obviously not believing someone from the other side can still talk to a living individual after so many years of being dead.

     Once we returned to the car and I began driving again, I apologized to Kyle for not listening.

     It's okay, mom, his smooth voice replied.   

     I behaved the rest of the trip, but I must admit it was difficult.

114 - A Prayer Known to rid Mental Illness, Reconcile Family Estrangement and Help Those who are Dealing With Weight Issues, Alcoholism or Drug Abuse

 

    

  I stumbled across the Ho’oponopono Hawaiian  Healing Prayer in mid-January of 2021when I was perplexed about what to write about in my next Blog. I was so touched by what I had learned and the many people who had healed from saying it or healed family issues that I started researching this magic prayer. The more I read, the more I realized that not only would this technique make a perfect blog entry, but it is a practice that I had to work into my daily life. Maybe, just maybe, it could change my vibrations, thereby healing the parts of me that created a daughter that refuses to have a relationship with me even after 12 years. Could this simple exercise be the tool to change not only my vibrations, my husband’s, our daughter’s, but help the world?  I’m willing to try almost anything.

     For centuries, the Hawaiian Prayer has been performed on islands throughout the South Pacific, including Hawaii, Samoa, Tahiti, and New Zealand.  Originally it was only practiced in the family unit. Since the extended family usually lived together centuries ago, it was believed that if a family member became mentally or physically ill, someone in the family was thinking negatively: afraid, angry, or either judging themself or others in the family unit.

      Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona, a kahuna lapaʻau (healer) in Hawaiʻi, modified the traditional Hawaiian Prayer in 1976. She was influenced by her Christian education and her philosophical studies about India, China, and Edgar Cayce. She taught this updated version of Hoʻoponopono throughout the United States, Asia, and Europe. This new type of prayer gives everyone a chance to take responsibility for healing their past lives, therefore, ultimately healing their present life.  The Hawaiian Prayer is a practice that involves healing all things by accepting "Total Responsibility" for everything that surrounds us.  Later, and from who knows where, a simpler version has popped up, seeming more like a mantra than a prayer, but I found it extremely powerful after practicing it.  Don’t be surprised if tears start rolling down your cheeks. When I practiced Simeona’s version, I felt a deep stirring in my body as if there was some kind of movement. That was very interesting.  I’m continuing to work with both versions as I've noticed a major change not only in myself but my husband. He’s happier, and his reactions are almost nil.

      This technique changes our cellular memory to purge the negative qualities that are not useful in our lives, such as anger, jealousy, judgment, resentment, etc.  Just think, wouldn’t it be a blessing not to return in another life having to deal with these negative aspects in our lives, or pass these characteristics onto our children?  Even if you don't believe in past lives, I guarantee it will help not only you but your family.

       Dr. Hew Len, a psychologist and an expert in the spiritual practice, Ho’opononopono, was asked to accept a position at the State Mental Hospital in the criminally insane ward in Hawaii. Many who worked there were irritable, afraid of being attacked, often called in sick, or quit.  Dr. Len read the 23 files and practiced the Ho'oponopono process created by Morrnah Simeona at least twice a day while focusing on these files. 

        In three years, the patients who had been shackled were allowed to walk freely; others who’d been heavily medicated were able to have their medications reduced; and those who were diagnosed as having absolutely no chance of ever being released due to their aggressive behavior were freed or sent to a traditional prison, depending on their criminal status. Ultimately, 21 checked out of the hospital and were allowed to go home. However, two patients did not improve. 

         Why weren’t these two healed? Dr. Len explained that these two patients had no karmic connections with him.  It’s believed that this special prayer heals karmic issues that one has had in past lives with other individuals.  

       People asked Dr. Lin what he had done to make such a huge change.  His reply, “I cleaned the part of me that I shared with them which healed the part that created them.” This Prayer energetically cleared the layers of toxic energies within his subconscious. By clearing his harmful energy, energetically, he also cleaned the negative energies of his patients.

      There was even a major change at the hospital; workers stopped calling in sick and quitting. The attitude at the facility had become positive.

     Dr. Lin believes that everything in our life is our responsibility. In other words, we create what’s going on in our family and in the world because of our negative thinking or comments.  Loving yourself is the ultimate way to improve yourself, but as you improve yourself, you change your vibrations, thereby changing the world. To heal your reality, we must erase the memories that gave life to our negative thoughts, which created our world. These memories could occur while in your mother’s womb, preconception, childhood, or adulthood. Yes, even strange as it seems, many of us have inherited negative attributes from previous lives.

     The prayer that I first stumbled upon was a simple prayer, one I could easily remember. Numerous comments posted on various sites share how this technique has healed various problems: disconnect in families, judgments, eating disorders, drug abuse, emotional issues,  alcohol abuse, mental illness, and the list goes on. Just think, if we can forgive ourselves and others, how much our world will change.

     The first time I used the short version, I cried like a baby and was sensitive for two days. But it felt like a load of weight had been lifted from my shoulders regarding all the mistakes I had made, fears I held onto as a parent, and the plethora of judgments about myself and my husband.  My second experience occurred a week later. I had finished grocery shopping and was heading home when I decided to say this simple prayer. But this time, I added my estranged daughter’s name to it and repeated it a few times, some lines even out of order.  I saw us holding hands, sometimes our arms locked. Tears welled up in my eyes when I did this visualization. My vision was so blurry that I had to pull over to the side of the road, where I continued to bawl my eyes out. This time I felt like my heart had opened to loving myself. I felt lighter and, for some odd reason, hopeful. Very strange, I thought.  Another time my husband walked into the kitchen and said, “ Tina, you’re always leaving messes around the house.”  Usually, I argue about that adverb, always, but this time I stopped preparing dinner, looked at him, and said, “I love you, please forgive me.” That was it; I didn’t even say the whole prayer.  His expression instantly melted into a face of love, and he walked over and gave me this huge squeeze. I thought, wow, is this all I need to say when Alan starts getting worked up? I’ll have to remember this.

       Guidelines when saying the short version of the Hawaiian Prayer, which seems to be the most common one shared online and on u-tube (some of the songs will kick up a few tears):

 1.       The prayer can be said out of order.

 2.   No need to focus on any one emotion or incident unless you want.

        3.   If an incident comes up, focus on that while saying the prayer. 

        4.   Trust your intuition. If it tells you to add a name, or a line, or repeat a line, do it.

        5.   Repeat prayer for five minutes each day if possible. (Sometimes I skip a few days, but then                      say  it for half an hour.)

        6.   Say or think the prayer with passion and feeling.

        7.   If the person you are having issues with can sit in the same room with you for five to              fifteen minutes that would be helpful. (This is what was practiced in the old days when family                problems were worked out.)

        8.   Honor whatever issues come up and continue saying the prayer.  Address that part of yourself    that caused the problem in the relationship and send it love. It’s okay to feel the sadness that                    exists but send unconditional love towards that negative energy.

            The Hawaiian Prayer Meditation, for cleansing. (Short version)

                                            I’m sorry

                                      Please forgive me

                                           I love you

                                           Thank you

 

      After much research, I finally found the Prayer created by Morrnah Simeona, which was revised from the traditional Hawaiin prayer.  I’ve just begun using it, and I’m telling you, it’s potent.

 Divine Creator, Father, Mother, Son as one …

If I, my family, relatives, and ancestors, have offended you, your family, relatives, and ancestors in thoughts, words, deeds and actions from the beginning of our creation to the present, we ask your forgiveness … Let this cleanse, purify, release, cut all the negative memories, blocks, energies, and vibrations, and transmute these unwanted energies into pure Light.

 … And it is done.

 

    I would love to hear about your experiences with either of these prayers, as I’m curious how they’ve helped you. Or if you have a question, I’d enjoy hearing from you: My e-mail – tbboivin8@gmail.com    

https://www.pacificaseminars.de/en-hooponopono-english-hawaii-state-hospital.htm  

https://starorchid.net/hooponopono/  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8RpkTpP3gM

https://www.themindfulword.org/2014/hooponopono-clearing-subconscious/

 

113 A Perfect Technique To Do As A Family, In the Classroom, or by Yourself to Releases Negative Thoughts.

 

     Believe it or not, you are human (well, a few of us might be aliens); but everyone makes a few mistakes during our lifetime. We become angry at ourselves or others when a blunder is made, or we are either judging ourselves or others. But to stay present in our lives and be happy, we must release this negative energy as it will zap our concentration and affect our mental and physical health. As a Reiki Master, and Shaman Practitioner, I've seen and felt this negative energy in someone's body a plethora of times.
      Don't compare yourself to others. You are the only you, unique and special. Are you imperfect? Heck, yes. Who isn't? But I wonder if maybe we came into this world imperfect for a reason so that we could learn various lessons: to love our self, to forgive, to accept and honor where an individual is in their life, not to make judgments. Or maybe we are here to learn that the beauty inside ourselves is more important than the beauty outside. Or perhaps we have to learn to get in shape; it's necessary to have discipline. Or possibly we realize that the only way to move forward is to find a good therapist.   

     Some of you are probably thinking, Naw, I never judge myself. I never judge others, and I rarely get angry. (Okay, I'm trying not to giggle.)

     Let's try 'Muscle Testing' on those three statements separately. Hook your thumbs and forefingers together in a figure eight and say one of the above comments in italics. What happens? Do your fingers stay hooked together without you struggling to keep them hooked, or do they break away? Even if they slightly loosen, your body is telling you. Yup! You're lying to yourself.

     The strongest times to release negative thoughts are Christmas, New Year's Eve, Easter, and your birthday, Full Moon, or when there are particular moon phases. However, anytime is acceptable.

     Here's an exercise for you that I learned at a workshop. Don't be surprised if you shed a few tears; some of us did and when I taught it to my students, many cried also. In fact, a lot of my students taught their families the exercise, and a few parents let me know how it pulled the family together.

1. Obtain an 8 ½ X 11 sized paper.

2. Fold the paper in half, length-wise, and find a writing utensil. 

3. On the left side of the paper, write down all the negative things you don't like about yourself or wish you could do better. Include your anger and judgments about yourself and others, including the physical attributes and personality traits you don't like about yourself. No one will see this paper, so let all that anger, judgments, and frustration out. 

4  Then, on the right side, write the positive physical attributes, things you are good at doing, and positive personality traits about yourself.

5. Fold the paper along the line and rip or cut it in half. Place the right side in your wallet or in a safe place so that when you tumble down that dark rabbit hole, you can pull it out and remind yourself what a fabulous unique individual you are.

6. Find a metal empty trash can, or barbecue and some matches. BE SAFE. –  Only adults should be doing this, and children should be under their supervision – Don't do this inside. Make sure you have two gallons of water nearby or your hose is on. If burning your paper is unavailable to you, rip the left half of the paper into tiny bits while saying the lines below or create something in your own words.

7. Say the following out loud or in your head: "Dear Father, Mother, I release all these negative feelings and judgments about myself and others to you. (Then read off your list. You can add more if something pops into your head.) It's time for me to let go of them. I have held onto these negative thoughts and judgments for  too  long." Then light the piece of paper and place it in the metal trash can or barbecue. You can say, 'thank you,' or 'it is done,' or 'Amen.'  

     Watch the paper burn or be aware of ripping the paper into tiny bits. Allow yourself to feel the joy of letting go. You can create your own words. Listen to your heart and trust yourself. Remember, say everything in the present tense because you want to release it NOW.

Enjoy and have a beautiful, safe life.

My e-mail -     tbboivin8@gmail.com           Would love to hear how it worked for you or your children.

 

    

14 - A Powerful Tool to Use After Someone You Love Dies, Especially Suddenly .

    

     A fellow teacher shared a beautiful technique with me a few months after our 22-year-old son died of a heroin overdose called a "Humanistic Funeral."  This technique is a simple and powerful tool to use when someone has unexpectedly died. This sudden death leaves a skeleton hanging in the survivor's closet for quite some time. Often the survivor finds it challenging to let go of the loved one out of love or guilt; therefore, the spirit of the loved one stays earthbound in hopes to help the survivor deal with this distress.

     Seeing or feeling a loved one around you is acceptable for a little while, but it’s not healthy for either of you, so you must release this spirit. I'm a Reiki Master/Shaman Practioner, and oftentimes when I work on someone, I'm fully aware when an individual is holding on to a loved one (whether deceased or living) because there are issues with the heart. Letting go is a gift that you not only give to yourself, but you give to the one who has passed (or has decided to not have a relationship with you) as he or she has a life in heaven. Remember, once you let go, it doesn’t mean that your loved one can’t talk to you. You will still have a spiritual relationship. The bonus is that your loved one will be able to help you more once he/she has crossed over, but only if you still stay open to having this relationship. Most of all, you will be living on this earth in this life, fully present. It took my son and me about five years to trust that I’d be okay and that we’d still be able to talk to each other. And it took me a few different techniques and natural healers to help us cut our earthly ties.

 Humanistic Funeral   - A simple but powerful tool.  (This can be done together as a family or individually.)  

1.  Obtain a candle and light it.

 Any size, color of candle will do, but make sure it's in a safe candle holder.

2. Tell the candle anything and everything that you want to say to that person who has passed.  My husband and I shared all the beautiful qualities our son had. We thanked him for choosing us as his parents, and we reminisced about the funny things he had done. Yes, we even listed our frustrations but shared the lessons we had learned because of them. (If this is done as a family, choose an object to pass around when an individual wants to talk. This way, the family is not talking over each other, and it’s an excellent way to show respect. You can pass a feather around or choose one of the deceased person’s favorite object.)

3. Once finished sharing, we said, “We love you very much, but now it’s time to release you from this Earth plane so you can be where you need to be. You don’t belong here anymore.” We promised that we would be okay and that it’s fine for him to now be on the other side, up in heaven.  (Obviously, you can say whatever you want and in your own words) Telling the candle things we hadn’t even shared with our child when he was alive released tons of pain and tears. This technique made my husband and I feel closer. 

 4. Blow the candle out as it cannot be left to burn down on its own. Decide on an appropriate way of disposing of the candle because your business is finished with it. My husband and I buried it in our garden. If you can’t bury the candle, a trash can works.

 5. Wait a few days and then check to see if the spirit has transitioned to the other side.  Close your eyes and ask your friend or relative who passed away to show himself or herself.  He might say, “Hi,” but you shouldn’t see any part of him/her anymore or feel him in the room. Usually, you will have a more difficult time talking to him, but take a couple of deep breaths to slow your body down, and then you can still talk to your loved one. His/her voice will sound far away. If you have had a horrible day, the deceased might again return, feeling like he or she is needed. (You'll feel his/her energy popping in.) That means you need to cut ties again and remind the spirit that you are okay. 

    Yes, of course, there are bottomless ways a spirit can communicate with you: your favorite song pops on the radio when you are depressed, Kyle broke one of Aan's guitar string because at first, he questioned whether his son was earthbound, smell cigarette smoke, or what my mom likes to do....a hummingbird will fly right in front of me.

     This is also an excellent technique for releasing guilt, anger, or worries you want to let go of.  My husband and I also used it to honor our daughter in surviving in our chaotic house and having the strength to leave to live her own life.

If you wish to write a personal message to me, or share and experience, my email is:    tbboivin8@gmail.com    I will respond in a couple of days.

112 - After Our Son Died, He would Pop in to do the Funniest Things to Make Me Laugh

 

     Exhausted, I drove home after an agonizing day of attempting to teach. I flopped onto the Japanese floral futon and situated the two pillows from my bed behind me,  so I could partially sit up. I pulled in a couple deep breaths, my body soaking in the delicious heat from our sunroom. That day, for some reason, was a painfully agonizing, drawn-out day of trying to stay focused and in the present. It was only in the middle of the school year, and I was ready for June. That day felt like a heavy coastal fog had slowly crept in, shrouding my entire body, refusing to dissipate. Just like usual, depression had drained me of most of my energy. It was almost a year since our son had died of a heroin overdose, and yet there were still too many days; I was overtaken by depression and guilt.

    I pulled in a couple deep breaths, readying myself to meditate. Still, instead, guilty memories plodded through my brain: I was such a horrible parent, too hyper-focused and stressed with teaching, especially when I produced plays to help my son. Kyle, our son, had struggled with alcohol for about two years and then was introduced to heroin and passed away. Our daughter, Nicole, had escaped to a more peaceful life a year before her brother died.  

      I'm sure she had become tired of the worry and fear that was stuck in our house. Yes, I had noticed she had withdrawn, and she had stopped but even when I asked her doctor if I could sign her up for therapy and she told the doc that she was 'okay,' I shouldn't have listened. She stopped sharing her feelings and needs and seemed despondent. I was useless at making any decisions, and when I did make them, they were made out of fear, controlling my daughter's activities. She must have felt like a prisoner in her own home. Torrents of tears ran down my cheeks; my body shook uncontrollably as I gasped for air. Then out of nowhere, the spigot turned off, and I wiped the wet remnants away.

     I realized I was too exhausted to meditate; desperately, I needed a nap. I slipped down onto the futon, stuffed one pillow behind my head, closed my eyes, pulled the warm air through my nostrils, and expelled it through my mouth a few times to slow my brain down. Slowly, the taut ropes in my neck stretched like rubber bands, and my shoulders finally lowered into their unfamiliar position. My lead eyelids closed without a command.

      ZAP! I sat in a small aluminum boat, staring at Kyle's back. He turned around, still holding onto his fishing pole, and said glibly, "Hi Mom," then stared at me for a few seconds with this huge cocky smile. I returned the greeting as I watched him brush his blond bangs out of his eyes with his fingers. This wasn't the first time my son popped in for a magical journey. 

                                                  https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl          

      I looked around. It was a gorgeous sunny day, not too hot. We were in the middle of a lake surrounded by placid light turquoise blue water that emanated luminous sparkles. The lake looked more like an ice skating rink than a place to fish. Kyle seemed too antsy ever to want to go fishing while here on earth, so I asked, "What in the heck are you doing?"

     "Fishing for whales," he said in a curt voice and gave me this strange look as if I should have known this fact already and then turned around.

     Eyeing the small shiny aluminum dingy and his fishing rod with a reel, I lifted my eyebrows and remarked, "Really?" Since he was always a jokester, I decided to ignore his comment. That rod might be big enough to catch river fish, but anything bigger? Yea, right, I thought. Anyway, when was the last time anyone heard of a whale in a lake? I scanned the area again and noticed the gradual golden hills climbing out of the water. I swear, it definitely looked like we were at a lake.

      I was just about to refute his chances of catching a whale when all of a sudden, it looked as if metal rebar had been jammed up his spine. He jerked up hard on his pole a few times, but the tip stayed stationary, stuck in a bow-like position. "I got one!" He yelled excitedly and looked at me, grinning from ear to ear as if to tell me, Ha, told you so.

     Without warning, the boat jerked back and forth, so I grabbed onto the vessel's sides and planted my feet firmly against the hull for stability, not because I was paranoid of being thrown over, but because I disliked the deep cold water lake looked deep. Within a heartbeat, we lurched forward for a few feet, stopped, and then we rode a monstrous wave, and within seconds we were free-falling down into a gully. My heart wasn't beating a mile a minute, and my stomach wasn't tied up in knots. I wasn't even terrified that we could be catapulted into the deep water and either eaten by this giant fish or drowned. I knew that I was safe in this magic world with Kyle, journeying.

      The muscles were taut on my son's arms as he struggled to hold onto the rod, reeling the line in rapidly as he dropped the tip down. I was surprised that he seemed to know what he was doing. Hills of water rose in sections and crashed down upon us while another mountain rose even higher and bashed into the fields of rolling water. Finally, Kyle was able to jerk the pole back a few times past his head, and then he released the tension on the fishing rod. Quickly, he whipped the pole around, catching me off guard, but luckily I ducked, or I would have had a heck of a headache. A colossal wave rose in front of the dingy as if this monstrous whale was about to plop onto our little boat. Unconsciously, I snapped my eyes shut, waiting to be drenched in freezing water, but I opened them after I felt only a heavy spray of water on my body. Finally, the waves subsided, and magically the boat stopped rocking, so I unclamped my hands and relaxed my legs.

     Kyle spun his whole body around and stared at his feet. Following his gaze, I looked down, not realizing he had actually caught something. We both looked up at each other simultaneously, and bellows of infectious insane laughter peeled up from our bellies. My stomach muscles ached. It seemed like minutes had passed. Finally, I spoke through my giggles. "Wow! That's a whale of a fish," I said, attempting to sound impressed.

     The fish was about five inches long, effervescent white except along the transparent edges of the thin body. Kyle bent down, picked up the fish by its tail, gently plucked it off the hook, and said, "Yup, it sure is," as he tossed it back into the water.

   He grinned from ear to ear and cocked his head sideways, studying me for a second. "You okay, now?"

    I smiled, squinting as the brilliant rays from the sun seemed to be hugging him. I nodded. Instantly, I was transported back into the sunroom onto the futon. A flood of joyful tears rolled down my cheeks,  thankful that my son still bounced in whenever I was at my lowest lows.

 

 

 

13 - There Are Other Ways to Express our Disappointment or Anger Besides Yelling or Making Hurtful Comments

      Many of us learned from our parents how to deal with anger and frustration by yelling, throwing things, hitting the wall, spanking, etc. You can break that habit but work on dealing with that anger or frustration differently. By you retraining yourself, you can teach your children some valuable tools. Learning to calm down before dealing with a problem can be helpful for parents and the child.  

   Express your feelings

   When I was a teenager, I started writing in a notebook. You can let each member pick out their journal, or sketchbook, or pick one up at a garage sale or make one. It does not have to be fancy. A few years ago, I picked up one out of my father-in-law's box of stuff to be given to the Salvation Army. It’s all leather on the outside, and when I opened it up, I was surprised to find that it had been used as a ledger in 1861 for some doctors. However, only a couple of pages were used. It was my favorite. Or you can get online and learn how to make a journal for yourself or how to teach your children to make a simple one with your children.

    Writing helped me process my anger, frustrations, confusion, family problems, and life, and talk about boys when I was a teen and an adult. And as a mother, I wrote the funny things that my kids would say or the odd or funny things that they would do.  And yes, I even wrote about the incidents that angered me, worried me, or scared me.

   When there are difficulties in life, it’s sometimes impossible to express our feelings verbally as they are too energy-charged. Journals help to download tons of emotions that help release pain or sorrow, or joy.  And if you don't enjoy writing, you can be creative in other ways: draw, write a poem or a song or even sing a song your know, play an instrument, or dance how you feel. Then if you want to share what you’ve written as a family once or twice a month, it might open up roads to some fantastic conversations.  

Dance, dance, dance

    Ask who wants to go first.  Honor the decision. Tell your family members to trust the body and how it feels. Is it your turn, your mom's, or your brothers?   If a family member doesn’t want to share, it’s okay. This technique teaches everyone to slow down and not to override anyone's feelings which is commonly done in families; it certainly was done in ours.

   Everyone must listen and show respect when listening to a journal, poem, or watching a dance. No judgments can be made, or the creator will lose trust. 

  
(Or dance as a family and call out emotions, and everyone creates their own dance. Or dance all by yourself so you won't have to worry about what others think about your dance style.)

If you wish to write a personal message to me or share an experience, my email is tbboivin8@gmail.com. I will respond in a couple of days.