80 - Don't push your child or grandchild into your profession or a profession

    Don't try to push your child into a profession that you wished you had chosen or one that you are in.  Yes, it’s okay to say, “I wish I would have gone to school to be a teacher, but that isn’t what I want you to be unless that’s what interest you. I’ll be proud of you in any profession that you choose.”

     My dad mentioned quite a few times about wanting to be a high school teacher, so my twin, Joseph,  felt that our dad expected him to be one. Therefore, that’s what he became because he thought our dad would be proud of him if he chose this profession.  However, in Joseph’s heart, he really wanted to be a professional singer, and he easily could have because he has a voice that would blow you away. And an old French exchange student of ours still has a father who pesters him to go to school to become a doctor like him and his ex-wife, but that is not what Paul wants to do. We're not sure what Paul wants, but now he's happy working various jobs and living off the land in New Zealand.

    I wonder why especially men try to talk their kids into following in their footsteps or the footsteps they wish they would have taken.  Is there a familiarity with the profession, so the parent thinks he could help the child in some way? Or maybe he thinks it’s a secure profession with benefits; therefore, he won’t have to worry about his child. 

    We didn’t really talk about a profession with our children until high school. I know I discussed with Nicole following a Musical Theatre career because she was such a natural at it and because she didn’t have any idea what she wanted to do professionally. Or was I guiding her into the profession because I had really wanted to be on stage, but I was too insecure to do it.  Now I realize  she didn’t want to share what she wanted to be because she knew her father would be freaked. She became a mortician. When Alan found out, he did get grossed out. I, however, told him that it took a very very special person to go into that field. I'm very very proud of her.  Alan has finally gotten used to the idea. He felt that she was so intelligent that she could have done anything.
   It takes an intelligent individual to go into that field because the courses are challenging. Her choice fit her personality. She liked the arts which had a tinge of darkness. Also, she was excellent in science and math and unlike me, she didn't have any problems with memorizing. Some of the courses required are:  psychology,  interpersonal communication and grief counseling, a class I'm sure which helped her process her grief after she lost her brother to a heroin overdose.

   You, as a parent, guardian, relative, Au pair person, babysitter or grandparent have to be open and accepting. It’s their life. They are going to be the ones that have to like their job, not you.

   Yes, parents or care giver should discuss your teen’s interest and stress the importance of making a decent living so bills can be paid. If they're in their teens, get online and look up the education needed, and yearly income together. Have your teen do the math. Share with your teen how much it takes to live monthly: rent, utilities, food, insurance, car, etc. (I did this with my English students.) This will really open their eyes. My students were always shocked when we did this as a mini assignment in regards to a reality check.  I think they appreciated their parents even more. That does not mean a parent should stress going to a 4-year university. There are plenty of jobs out there that have a two-year program. Some professions will train them while they are working on the job. 

         Kyle was so confused about what career to choose. I kept telling him he’s 19, just relax and enjoy going to school.  But now even community colleges make you chose a career. He decided upon   rchitecture. Math wasn’t his strongest subject, so I was worried. I told him, “Kyle you don’t have to choose architecture because your dad is doing it.”

      “Mom, I’m not, I just don’t know what else to do. And I like buildings." He found the math too difficult and decided to switch to history as his major and P.E. and teach high school He had talked about being a teeacher when he was in high school because he had had some excellent teachers. But Ithink he thought his dad would be more proud of him if he went into architecture.

    In Europe, a few countries allow teens in their last two years of high school to work or train with professionals in the afternoon to see if they’d like to work in that field. Then they can experience what it’s like to be a plumber, nurse, electrician and then decide if it's right for them. Some actually start learning a trade.

     In Germany they encourage the high school graduates to work at a few jobs they're interested in before taking classes at the university, so they have some experience behind them and have grown up a bit, so they’re more focused.  I wish that were more of a philosophy in the U.S. Maybe there would be less drinking and better grades the first year of college or trade school.

     The best advice I can give is to talk to your children  but leave your own agenda behind. Ask them what they’re interested in doing at an early age. It will change probably at least 50 times before graduating.  Don’t become anxious if your son decides he wants to be a dog catcher, just go with it. You can talk about the pros and cons of each job. Don’t talk about income until maybe middle school.

  You can highlight this site, copy and paste onto search section at top of page.    The sites change often, so I only listed one. But I'm sure you can find a couple of useful ones all by yourself.

 https://www.thebalancecareers.com/helping-your-children-make-career-choices-525407