11 - Irritable at Your Self or Someone Else? Here's Something We Should Have Been Taught when we were a Kid

      Alan and I struggled with not seeing or talking to our daughter for 12 years. The most difficult times were around the Christmas season and her birthday. To love someone so dearly and not hear her voice, her infectious laughter, her funny jokes, and not have her even in a small fraction of our life was painstakingly difficult. She and I wrote for about three years, but then she wrote a letter stating she didn't want us in her life. I had obviously said something that had upset her. It was difficult, but I waited a long time before reaching out again.

Do You Recognize The Look?

      During those periods of silence, Alan and I sometimes would become snippy with each other, and if the depression lasted a few days,  a brick wall would build up between us. Finally, after getting upset with him for the 5th time in one week and emotionally withdrawing, I realized why I was reacting. 

      I said, "Alan, I think I know why you've been so moody. You miss your daughter." It was as if I had said the magic words. His face lit up. That simple comment opened us up to a conversation about how we felt. He was confused and hurt about why she kept her distance for so long. He had always placed his daughter on a pedestal. She could do no wrong. We shared how much we missed Nicole and how we looked forward to meeting the new her. And yes,  we even discussed how much we have changed into individuals that aren't so uptight and actually listens and communicates better.

   If your partner or child is moody or judging you, ask yourself why instead of instantly reacting. And most of all, talk about it. Don't be afraid to ask why they think they're reacting or feeling a certain way. Start using adjectives to express how you feel when frustrated or angry with someone. Teach yourself and your family those adjectives; blog #5 talks about using adjectives to express feelings, and the site has a couple of places to print up the list so you can post it for everyone to see:  https://othersideofloss.blogspot.com/     Search for 5

  If you're still reacting a month later, it's time to get therapy. (Look at Blogs  4, 16, and 95 for various types of therapy.)