36 - Two Quick Techniques for Adults and Children to Release Hurts or to Regain Control once they become Upset

 

Teaching your child to stop
reacting and return to 
the present...what a gift

      I sat in the brightly lit room soaking up the warmth reminding myself that I wanted to improve my memory during this session with Elizabeth, my trauma therapist.  She asked me if I had had memory problems before Kyle (our son) passed away. I shared that I would work for hours trying to memorize for tests, and my twin would sit down for half an hour, and he had all the material down.  Overall, our grade average was pretty close, but it really ticked me off that I had to work so much harder than him. Sometimes I would become depressed and felt stupid because it took so long to memorize anything. I’ve always struggled with short and long-term memory, but once Kyle started junior school and I began Menopause, I became even worse. I could barely remember my students’ names even though I had had some of them in my classes for three years.  My concentration was like a child’s, and I could barely remember what I had taught the day before. 

     Elizabeth asked me to describe my life growing up, so I explained that my father was in the Air Force. Therefore, our family moved around about every two years to a new state.  I remember being excited about moving but also frightened about making new friends. However, my biggest paranoia was in regards to attending a new school. Each school district had a different curriculum for each grade level, so I ended up with holes in my education. I would become so anxious when I learned a new concept that it was debilitating at times, and when taking tests, I would almost pass out, sweat, see stars and get dizzy because I had stopped breathing. 

     Tears fell like rain as I sat on my therapist's couch, breathing becoming irregular.  I whimpered, “My fifth-grade math teacher found out I didn’t know the alphabet, so she worked with me on it in front of the whole class till I learned it. I felt stupid. And my mom realized I didn’t know how to tell time, so she taught it to me. Looking back, I realized how these educational gaps must have made me apprehensive about learning.

     Elizabeth explained that I’ve been placed in numerous trauma situations since I was little, and since I had been going through stressful situations with Kyle, our son, I was stuck in trauma mode the majority of the time. She reminded me about Somatic Experiencing, which she has had worked with me in previous sessions. She inquired, “Where and what do you feel when you can’t remember something?”

     Right away, I felt my breathing stop. “My stomach is tightening up into a hard baseball, and my heart seems to be double beating. Whoa…it skipped a beat.”

     “Honor that feeling. Breathe and be aware of how you breathe. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel these feelings.”  I followed her instructions. “Take as long as you need. Find where it feels good in your body. Where is that?” She asked in a syrupy voice.

      “In my heart.”  I looked at my balled-up hand lying directly over my heart.

.Listen to your heart

     “Alright. Take some nice deep breaths and touch something. Rub your pants or tap the side of your leg lightly. This will help bring you back into your body. Connect where it feels bad to where it feels good. Take your time. Feel how more open you feel.”

     My heart was not happy.  But slowly, it settled down, and the beat became regular as I rubbed the side of the seams of my pants. Soon my body felt like ice cream on a hot day, running down a cone.  It was such a peaceful feeling.  I felt centered. My brain didn’t feel like it wanted to be somewhere else.

    “When you don’t remember something, it triggers a feeling of helplessness,” Elizabeth explained. When you panic, you can’t remember, can’t hear, and often aren’t aware of things around you. Give yourself permission to feel, and you’ll start remembering.”  I could feel this tranquility emanating from her body and wished I could steal it from her and take it home with me. She looked up from writing something in my file and smiled, “Imagine that you are a Redwood Tree or an Oak Tree with huge roots. Storms and many fires have occurred, and yet these trees survive, even when scorched or partially fall, becoming uprooted. These elements can’t destroy the core, yet they still hold onto the earth, refusing to be destroyed, and new branches grow. This visual symbolizes the new you.”

     Elizabeth also taught me an exercise to do when I notice I'm starting to get upset or depressed. It's from a technique called 'Brain Gym.' She had me stand up and hit my right elbow to my raised left knee, then my left elbow to my right knee. Then kick my right leg back, touch my right heel with my left hand, kick my left leg back, and touch it with my right hand. This exercise helps switch trauma from the right side of the brain (reaction/ emotional side) to the left side (logical side, trauma is over…I am now safe).

     I also found this useful site with some exercises that could help you or your child who might be dealing with trauma or learning issues. These Brain Gym exercises improve:  focus, relieves mental fatigue, increases comprehension, short-term memory, self-expression, organizational skills, and release emotional stress.

   

https://brutallyfrank.wordpress.com/2011/07/05/brain-gym-simple-exercises-for-a-better-mind-and-body/