When my children were attending elementary school, I suddenly noticed that they came home from school with a new way of saying something. No, it wasn't dirty, but it really really bugged me. Kyle was teasing his sister for something, and I told him to stop and apologize to her. He said, "Sorry." The word sounded empty. I don't know… it just didn't sound like our son was accepting responsibility for his behavior, so I told him, "You need to say, 'I'm sorry."
That word, 'I,' seemed extremely important. I had never thought about this before, but now that I had young children, I wanted to make sure they understood why "I" was imperative to use. (I never remember where Alan or I rarely, and I said sorry.)
I'm sorry means that you accept responsibility for making a mistake and are sorry for it. When you just say sorry, it honestly sounds as if you are saying it because you're supposed to, and
you aren't accepting that you made a mistake or hurt someone.
Believe it or not, I went on a vendetta in my classroom, teaching my students my philosophy. Most of them got it, and others didn't, but they caught each other in the classroom. And at the following Parent Conference, a few parents thanked me.
Years later, at the young age of 63, I learned I had made a few more mistakes when I wrote my first apology letter to my daughter, Nicole. See, old lions (I'm a Leo) can learn new tricks. When you do something wrong, take responsibility for the action(s) or comment that was made. Seriously think about how the other person was affected, and apologize. And the most challenging part for me… don't give any excuses, as that diminishes the apology. When you include a 'but' in your apology, it sounds like you're not sincere. The individual hears you attempting to justify what you said or did, which sounds like an excuse for your behavior. This can result in even more resentment and animosity. You will not regain respect unless you admit to your mistake, nor will you heal some of the family tension. Try it. You might even feel better when you say I'm sorry.
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