43 - Cutting ties with your children helps them to develop into their full potential - Flower Technique

  Any flowers will do....

    This Flower Technique is useful for cutting emotional ties with an individual whom you worry about or make judgments about due to their behavior or their decisions. If it's a child you are concerned about, you want them to develop to their full potential and live their own lives with at least some of the bumps in the road or potholes. How would they learn if they didn't make a few mistakes? A mother or father’s worries keep their child tied to them on a soul level, and this isn’t healthy because the child feels their worry and judgments. This method will also help release the guilt of not being a perfect parent, friend, etc.

      I drove to Amanda,  a Shaman, up here in Topanga Cyn. to rid myself of the blame for not being a perfect parent to Nicole. I obsessed with trying to help Kyle be happy that often I wasn’t there for her. Amanda shared, “For Nicole to fully develop into who she’s supposed to be, you must release the tiny bit of her soul you’re still holding. Only then will she return.” (Nicole had already left home.)  I was shocked because I had made a considerable effort to release her through Emotion Freedom Therapy, but I guess my mommy’s guilt still held onto her.

     A few days after I saw Amanda, I felt strong enough to follow her suggestion. I  bought some maroon Gerber Daisies a week earlier, so I grabbed a handful from the vase, hooked Topper, our Westie, up to his leash, and walked. I tied him to the fence bordering Topanga State Park, walked in, and stood under the shade of a beautiful large leaning oak. With each comment, I laid a flower down and whispered, “I release your soul, Nicole Elyse Boivin, so you can become your own individual and walk your own path. I release my guilt, fears, and motherly duties so you can be a complete individual. I love you so much and know you will soon be a part of your dad’s and my life.” Then I listed the qualities that I love about her. I kissed the rest of the flowers, laid them down, and walked away crying like a big baby. It took a while for my heart to stop pitter-pattering in fear that I had cut my ties so she wouldn’t feel connected and never return. About fifteen minutes later, the anvil stuck in my heart for so long had melted away.

     Remember, these words are my words. Your heart will tell you what to say. Afterward, your heart might feel a bit empty because that worry and guilt have taken up so much space. Give yourself time to heal. Remind yourself you did the best you could, and your child will do fine without worrying. They will feel free because, believe it or not, they can feel your judgments and trepidation.

     If you are a male and flowers are too girly for you, lit a candle. Alan felt a tremendous amount of guilt for not protecting his daughter. He said his own beautiful words in honor of her and released her. He blew the candle out and buried it. (If you can’t bury it, throw it away.)