46 - Kyle's spirit got me up in the morning for work and tried to help get his dad out of depression

      I think Kyle was in 8th grade in this photo.  It's amazing when you worry about someone so
much how that fear can still showup in a dream even when the person has passed away.

From my journal entry     -      June 8, 2011

     The only reason I arrived at work on time every day after Kyle passed away was due to Kyle.  He made it his job.  His voice would pop into my fuzzy brain at first very softly, “Mom."  I’d usually pulled the quilt up over my head in hopes he’d disappear.  He’d wait a few minutes, "It’s time to get up.”Sometimes I’d cover my head with my pillow, sure I could silence his voice. But he'd call out my name again, but louder.  By the fourth time, his voice would jump in, intense, “Mom, you have to get up now, or you’ll be late for school!”  Finally, I’d crawl out of bed and get dressed.  I had stopped using the alarm clock because I’d turn it off and attempt to go back to sleep, but Kyle never allowed me to.  I think he felt guilty that he had caused the catatonic state that I was in, so he felt it his responsibility to wake me up. My ghost alarm got me up for work for  a year.

    One day, a  few of my teacher friends had made comments about how surprised they were that I made it to school every day, let alone on time. I told them why. One teacher definitely had a Yea, right look on her face, but the other one shared that her grandmother used to talk to her when she was little, so she could easily believe that Kyle was waking me up. Of course, that opened up the comfort door for me thus I shared that the previous morning I was so depressed that I almost turned around to walk back towards the office to ask the secretary to call in a sub for the full day. But on my way to my classroom, Kyle popped in standing on one of the tree branches in the quad at Canoga High School.  He had a leprechaun hat on his head and a long thin black pipe in his mouth.  His leg was frozen in mid-air like he had been dancing an Irish jig.  At first, I thought I was daydreaming, but I blinked a few times. He was still there with a big smirk on his face. This bubbly laugh tickled my ears.  Then, zap!  He was gone.  I admitted to my fellow teachers that sometimes I felt I was making these apparitions up because I missed our 22-year-old son so badly. But why would I create such strange visions? I never had done that when my brother passed away. Kyle many times would say funny things to make us laugh when he was alive, so I could easily believe the visuals were coming from him. 

    My fellow teacher smiled and guaranteed me that I wasn’t going crazy. She suggested that I read Hello from Heaven, by Bill and Judith Guggenheim, so I did.  I was astounded how many ways a loved one who has passed to the other side could communicate to the living: dreams, lights going on and off, a favorite type of bird or animal flies by or walks close by, or a favorite song plays on the radio, and the list goes on.   I also learned from the book that I could ask the spirit of a loved one to come and verify to the living that he/she is okay.  Since there is no time in heaven, the spirit might give the message way in the future, or the person who is supposed to receive the message isn’t there to receive it. So you must give the date and time that you would like your loved one to talk to you. (I used this technique to call Kyle in when I had a group of his friends over. That will be a future story.)

    It was well over a year since Kyle passed. I drastically wanted Alan to know that he would not  have to sign me into the nearest sanitarium.  He balked at manystories in regards to my experiences with Kyle. But I didn’t know how I was going to prove to him that those who have passed on still can communicate with their loved ones. Repeatedly I had asked Kyle to appear to his dad or talk to him, but Kyle told me that he had tried, but his dad ignored him. I even begged Kyle to talk to Nicole and ask her for our forgiveness, but he said the same thing, she ignored him. Finally, I begged Kyle to do something so his dad would know he’s okay.  “Your dad needs another reminder that you’re still around.  He seems more depressed lately. Also, he’s listening to one of his sisters who told him that I need to stop talking to you so I can move on.  Now, your dad feels very uneasy about me talking to you, so I rarely tell him anything anymore.”  Kyle promised that he’d think of something.

    A few days later, Alan walked downstairs to the kitchen and said excitedly, “You’re not going to believe this, but Kyle came to me in a dream. He called me on the phone and said,  ‘Hi dad, I’m okay.  I’m far away.’  I heard the noise of a car and got scared, so I asked, 'You aren’t driving are you?' and immediately he hung up.”

   In disbelief, I demanded, “Why did you ask that? No wonder he hung up.”  Those two used to get into horrible fights about Kyle’s crazy accidents.

    “Come on, Tina, it was a dream. The first thing that I thought of was that my son was going to get into another car accident. I was worried about him.” I softened and walked over to Alan and hugged him realizing his love was so strong for his son that his worry even carried into the dream state.  I apologized for my harsh voice as I wiped away a tear that rolled down my cheek.    

   Later, I thanked Kyle for coming to his dad to let him know he was fine. Then I asked, “Why did you hang up on him?”

   “He’s so stupid, how can I get in a car accident up in heaven?”
   I explained.  “That was your dad’s knee-jerk reaction.  I guess he loves you even in his dreams because he still worries about you.”  I further clarified that his dad’s comments are based on his numerous car accidents, totaling three cars and his fear of still losing him. 

   Kyle responded, “I know, but that was a strange thing to say.” There was a pause. “Mom?”

   “Yea?”

   “Will you please apologize to dad for all the worry and stress I caused him. I didn’t know how he felt, but I do now.”

   I was surprised he had any idea about how a father felt. I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, did he pop into his dad’s brain and relive some experiences?  I questioned him about it. He said he’s now experienced some of his dad’s feelings and understands how scared and worried his father was for him. I decided not to ask how he all of a sudden had experienced some of those feelings, that was a little too scary for me. But a few months later a friend highly recommended the book The Survival of the Soul by Lisa Williams which helped me understand how Kyle now knew how his father felt. This book helped me understand what happens to the soul once it leaves the body and it verified that the living can talk to those that passed.  I shared with Alan, Kyle's apology. There still was this uncertainty on his face, but there was also a few tears that welled up nthe brim of the lids. That day,  I think Alan became more of a believer that Kyle was helping me through this terrible loss.