After work, I decided to give one of the succulent gardens I had designed, a hobby that I had picked up recently, to my friend, Nadine. She had been helping me through the loss of my son. She had lost a daughter almost a year earlier, so she knew exactly what I was going through. I texted or called her any hour, and she was there for me. I walked up the steep wooden steps to my greenhouse, nestled partially in the oaks.
The twelve 3X4 windows worked perfectly as walls. I had talked the air conditioning installer at Pacoima Junior High to save a few for me instead of destroying them. Since Alan’s an architect, he easily threw together a design for the greenhouse. I perused the wooden planks which served as a table. There were so many different succulent gardens in a variety of containers; it was a little overwhelming to decide which one to choose one for Nadine. The steamy heat reminded me it was the beginning of summer. The oak leaves scratched against the corner of the fiberglass roof. Often times I found the noise annoying maybe because the cloud of depression comes in waves. It’s been almost a year since Kyle passed away due to an overdose. My eyes zeroed in on a glass pot shaped like a star. I reached for it while thinking; this would be perfect for Nadine’s office.
Suddenly, a voice popped into my head, “May you please choose the heart container? You can tell my mom the succulents are from you but that I chose the heart design to remind her how much I love her.”
Whoa. I froze. No way, I thought as I swallowed and took a shallow breath and whispered, “Alice?” Tears welled up in my eyes.Alice used to help her mom, Nadine, in her acupuncture practice so immediately I recognized her soft sweet fairy voice.
“Yes. Please tell my mom she has to let me go. I’m so happy now. It’s beautiful up here.”
I promise I'll give her mom the heart-shaped pot and tell her the message. Of course, I didn’t tell Alice that I’d tell her mom the message once I got up enough nerve.
“Thank you,” Alice replied.
Heart, slow down, you’re okay. I mumbled to myself. I was freaking out that I was talking to a Spirit other than my son! How the hell was I supposed to tell my girlfriend that her dead daughter gave me a message for her? Nadine’s really going to think that I’m insane. But I didn’t make up that voice, it was definitely Alice’s. There was no doubt.
A few days later I set up an acupuncture appointment. Before following Nadine back into the room, I held out the succulent garden to her. I felt a heaviness in the room, Alice must be present in the office. Nadine took it. Then I thanked her for all her support and being there to listen to me blubber out my woes during the late nights and early mornings.
She smiled and told me that I was welcome and then said, “Thank you, it’s so beautiful.” But this strange quizzical look appeared on her face. I couldn’t figure out if it was because I was acting awkward or because I had given her a heart-shaped pot. Was she thinking I was confusing our friendship with something more? I was afraid that might happen because the pot was in the shape of a heart. But I knew it was imperative to create the succulent garden in that specific heart-shaped glass candy jar as Alice had asked.
Kyle popped in, or maybe he was always there, and I was too nervous to feel him. Remember your promise, he whispered as if Nadine could hear him.
I know, I just need a little time to figure out how I’m going to tell her without sounding crazy, I told him in my head. I couldn’t tell Nadine. I had felt like someone had poured a ton of cement in my mouth. How was I going to say to her that her daughter had chosen that pot? How was I going to tell a mom that had lost her daughter a year earlier to an overdose, that she had spoken to me and had given me a message to give to her?
Two weeks later I was driving to Arizona to visit my family when Alice popped in, “When are you going to tell my mom my message?”
“ I promise I’ll figure out how to tell her when I return to California.” Again, the wheels in my brain started churning. How am I going to tell her without me sounding crazy? Ah, is that what I’m worried about, me? I wondered if Alice noticed my face turning red.
“But you promised.” She sounded like a little girl, not the teen I remembered.
“I know I promised. But Alice, this is an extraordinary situation.” I explained why I was wary. “Honest, I ’ll tell her once I return. Okay?” There was silence.
Driving the 7-hour trip back to California, I listened to Jason Marz and Cheryl Crow C.D.’s. to help the time pass. I made it to Blythe before Kyle bounced in, “Heh, mom, when are you going to talk to Nadine?”
I couldn’t believe that two spirits were bugging me. I chuckled, because believe it or not; I thought it was funny. “I’m going to talk to Nadine next week, and if you ask me which day, I don’t know.” I checked my rear view mirror and side mirror before I switched lanes, surprised to see Kyle sitting behind me, this time his body looked very solid, his face tranquil, something I hadn’t seen in a few years due to his struggle with schizophrenia and drugs. I fought back the tears.
While I drove from Arizona to home, I kept rephrasing the words in my head about twenty times and then exasperated I said out loud, ”Why am I wasting my time? I’m not going to remember anything rehearsed, and I’ll be too nervous.”
“Mom, just trust yourself and God will help you.”
“Well, I pray he does, because I’m afraid I’m going to royally bumble a promise.”
“Just trust,” Kyle voiced.
I wondered where Kyle got the belief that God would help me. I tried to teach him to trust in the Creator a few times when he’d be so worried about taking a test or when he’d free-fall through depression. Maybe heaven had changed his mind.
Okay. Trust was a new concept for me. It somehow got buried under each incident of Kyle’s mental illness, car accidents, DUI’s, drug abuse and a daughter who had to escape from it all. However, I felt it was time to dig the word up from under that pile of garbage, dust trust off, and place it back into my heart again.
Two days after returning to California, I arrived at Nadine’s office at 7 pm, Tuesday night, that’s usually one of the days Nadine worked late. I was so scared. Sentences floated around my head, the words jumbled. I struggled, not sure exactly how I was going to say what Alice asked me to tell her mom.
Nadine was preparing to leave. I saw through the glass door that the lights were turned off except the desk light which illuminated the office. I walked in, and I could see the surprise on her face. She held her car keys in her hand. I took a deep breath and said, “For over a week I’ve had a message to give you.” I stuttered. This amazingly patient person gazed at me with her huge brown eyes while I fumbled for words, “I don’t know if you believe in the afterlife or not, and… and I feel extremely awkward telling you this,” I swallowed as if that would give me courage. “I made a promise to your daughter…..” and the rest of my words just fell like rain. Like an idiot, I cried the whole time. I don't know if it was because I felt so awkward, or if it was because I was so happy for my girlfriend.
I was sure Nadine was going to grab me by the collar and the waistband of my Capri jeans, pick me up, swing me a few times around her head and throw me through the glass door of her office. Yeah, I know she weighs about 90 pounds, but I’ve had her as a chiropractor, that little lady is amazingly strong. But, she didn’t.
“I wondered why you had chosen that container shape to give to me, but I also wondered why you were so nervous. Those together confused me.” She explained with her Buddha-like calmness. She took two non-menacing steps towards me, with tears in her eyes, she gave me a heartfelt hug. She stepped back and studied me. “I know my daughter is in a kinder place, but I’ve had a hard time letting her go. Thank you for giving me her message.” She smiled. “And I promise, I’ll work on releasing her.”
As I dropped my trembling body into the seat of my Mini and slammed the door shut, I heard almost simultaneously, “Thanks, mom/Thank you, Tina.” Both Kyle and Alice said in unison. I sucked in a breath and slowly expelled it, smiled and said, “You’re welcome.
Is this what God expects of me, to give messages to loved ones from the other side? I don't know what my new life will bring, but I must admit it made me feel good to make someone understand that their loved one is doing just fine on the other side and all he or she wants is for them to be happy.
The twelve 3X4 windows worked perfectly as walls. I had talked the air conditioning installer at Pacoima Junior High to save a few for me instead of destroying them. Since Alan’s an architect, he easily threw together a design for the greenhouse. I perused the wooden planks which served as a table. There were so many different succulent gardens in a variety of containers; it was a little overwhelming to decide which one to choose one for Nadine. The steamy heat reminded me it was the beginning of summer. The oak leaves scratched against the corner of the fiberglass roof. Often times I found the noise annoying maybe because the cloud of depression comes in waves. It’s been almost a year since Kyle passed away due to an overdose. My eyes zeroed in on a glass pot shaped like a star. I reached for it while thinking; this would be perfect for Nadine’s office.
Suddenly, a voice popped into my head, “May you please choose the heart container? You can tell my mom the succulents are from you but that I chose the heart design to remind her how much I love her.”
Whoa. I froze. No way, I thought as I swallowed and took a shallow breath and whispered, “Alice?” Tears welled up in my eyes.Alice used to help her mom, Nadine, in her acupuncture practice so immediately I recognized her soft sweet fairy voice.
“Yes. Please tell my mom she has to let me go. I’m so happy now. It’s beautiful up here.”
I promise I'll give her mom the heart-shaped pot and tell her the message. Of course, I didn’t tell Alice that I’d tell her mom the message once I got up enough nerve.
“Thank you,” Alice replied.
Heart, slow down, you’re okay. I mumbled to myself. I was freaking out that I was talking to a Spirit other than my son! How the hell was I supposed to tell my girlfriend that her dead daughter gave me a message for her? Nadine’s really going to think that I’m insane. But I didn’t make up that voice, it was definitely Alice’s. There was no doubt.
A few days later I set up an acupuncture appointment. Before following Nadine back into the room, I held out the succulent garden to her. I felt a heaviness in the room, Alice must be present in the office. Nadine took it. Then I thanked her for all her support and being there to listen to me blubber out my woes during the late nights and early mornings.
She smiled and told me that I was welcome and then said, “Thank you, it’s so beautiful.” But this strange quizzical look appeared on her face. I couldn’t figure out if it was because I was acting awkward or because I had given her a heart-shaped pot. Was she thinking I was confusing our friendship with something more? I was afraid that might happen because the pot was in the shape of a heart. But I knew it was imperative to create the succulent garden in that specific heart-shaped glass candy jar as Alice had asked.
Kyle popped in, or maybe he was always there, and I was too nervous to feel him. Remember your promise, he whispered as if Nadine could hear him.
I know, I just need a little time to figure out how I’m going to tell her without sounding crazy, I told him in my head. I couldn’t tell Nadine. I had felt like someone had poured a ton of cement in my mouth. How was I going to say to her that her daughter had chosen that pot? How was I going to tell a mom that had lost her daughter a year earlier to an overdose, that she had spoken to me and had given me a message to give to her?
Two weeks later I was driving to Arizona to visit my family when Alice popped in, “When are you going to tell my mom my message?”
“ I promise I’ll figure out how to tell her when I return to California.” Again, the wheels in my brain started churning. How am I going to tell her without me sounding crazy? Ah, is that what I’m worried about, me? I wondered if Alice noticed my face turning red.
“But you promised.” She sounded like a little girl, not the teen I remembered.
“I know I promised. But Alice, this is an extraordinary situation.” I explained why I was wary. “Honest, I ’ll tell her once I return. Okay?” There was silence.
Driving the 7-hour trip back to California, I listened to Jason Marz and Cheryl Crow C.D.’s. to help the time pass. I made it to Blythe before Kyle bounced in, “Heh, mom, when are you going to talk to Nadine?”
I couldn’t believe that two spirits were bugging me. I chuckled, because believe it or not; I thought it was funny. “I’m going to talk to Nadine next week, and if you ask me which day, I don’t know.” I checked my rear view mirror and side mirror before I switched lanes, surprised to see Kyle sitting behind me, this time his body looked very solid, his face tranquil, something I hadn’t seen in a few years due to his struggle with schizophrenia and drugs. I fought back the tears.
While I drove from Arizona to home, I kept rephrasing the words in my head about twenty times and then exasperated I said out loud, ”Why am I wasting my time? I’m not going to remember anything rehearsed, and I’ll be too nervous.”
“Mom, just trust yourself and God will help you.”
“Well, I pray he does, because I’m afraid I’m going to royally bumble a promise.”
“Just trust,” Kyle voiced.
I wondered where Kyle got the belief that God would help me. I tried to teach him to trust in the Creator a few times when he’d be so worried about taking a test or when he’d free-fall through depression. Maybe heaven had changed his mind.
Okay. Trust was a new concept for me. It somehow got buried under each incident of Kyle’s mental illness, car accidents, DUI’s, drug abuse and a daughter who had to escape from it all. However, I felt it was time to dig the word up from under that pile of garbage, dust trust off, and place it back into my heart again.
Two days after returning to California, I arrived at Nadine’s office at 7 pm, Tuesday night, that’s usually one of the days Nadine worked late. I was so scared. Sentences floated around my head, the words jumbled. I struggled, not sure exactly how I was going to say what Alice asked me to tell her mom.
Nadine was preparing to leave. I saw through the glass door that the lights were turned off except the desk light which illuminated the office. I walked in, and I could see the surprise on her face. She held her car keys in her hand. I took a deep breath and said, “For over a week I’ve had a message to give you.” I stuttered. This amazingly patient person gazed at me with her huge brown eyes while I fumbled for words, “I don’t know if you believe in the afterlife or not, and… and I feel extremely awkward telling you this,” I swallowed as if that would give me courage. “I made a promise to your daughter…..” and the rest of my words just fell like rain. Like an idiot, I cried the whole time. I don't know if it was because I felt so awkward, or if it was because I was so happy for my girlfriend.
I was sure Nadine was going to grab me by the collar and the waistband of my Capri jeans, pick me up, swing me a few times around her head and throw me through the glass door of her office. Yeah, I know she weighs about 90 pounds, but I’ve had her as a chiropractor, that little lady is amazingly strong. But, she didn’t.
“I wondered why you had chosen that container shape to give to me, but I also wondered why you were so nervous. Those together confused me.” She explained with her Buddha-like calmness. She took two non-menacing steps towards me, with tears in her eyes, she gave me a heartfelt hug. She stepped back and studied me. “I know my daughter is in a kinder place, but I’ve had a hard time letting her go. Thank you for giving me her message.” She smiled. “And I promise, I’ll work on releasing her.”
As I dropped my trembling body into the seat of my Mini and slammed the door shut, I heard almost simultaneously, “Thanks, mom/Thank you, Tina.” Both Kyle and Alice said in unison. I sucked in a breath and slowly expelled it, smiled and said, “You’re welcome.
Is this what God expects of me, to give messages to loved ones from the other side? I don't know what my new life will bring, but I must admit it made me feel good to make someone understand that their loved one is doing just fine on the other side and all he or she wants is for them to be happy.
So comforting for me to read Tina! A wonderful memory! Thank you for sharing! 💕
ReplyDeleteVery cool. Thank uuuuu
ReplyDelete