You’d think since I was raised as an Air Force brat I’d be consistent and strict with making our kids do their chores, but I wasn’t. And once they entered high school, I was worse about being the enforcer. Now Kyle had wrestling practice, and Nicole had drama rehearsals usually almost every day so we’d arrive home by 6 pm. And since Nicole was taking AP classes (college level), she had tons of homework. And Kyle still had a little difficulty with essay writing. Therefore, it took him longer to get his homework done. I felt sorry for them because they had little 'me' time, so I rarely pestered them to help out.
I admit, I was overwhelmed with teaching and directing drama festivals and two shows a year, so I think this didn’t help me to be consistent. Yes, Alan fought me on the need to make them do chores, but again he lost. I should have let him handle it. (By the time Kyle reached 7th or 8th grade, I had started wearing the pants in the house. I was the teacher; I knew what was best. Ha!) I wish I would have been better about listening to Alan and known how to work together. A counselor sure would have been able to help us.
I learned that many parents of my generation wanted to make their child’s lives easier because ours was so hard (we thought) by not forcing their children to clean the house, cook dinner or mow the lawn, etc.; But these chores help children feel competent. Whether they're making their bed or they're sweeping the floor, helping out around the house gives them a sense of accomplishment. Also, it helps them feel a part of the family. (Many European families cook together. Just think a perfect place to talk about life, school, and concerns.)
Researchers have found that children who were given chores became more independent adults. And kids who do tasks learn responsibility and gain essential life skills that will serve them well throughout their lives. Besides, having chores teaches also them how to manage their time which is a crucial life skill to have.
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| Make a checklist of duties |
I gave our kids an allowance. (Yes, even when they didn’t do their chores. Boy, was I bad.) I had them place a certain percentage of it in their savings account. Once they were in 5th or 6th grade, I upped their allowance so they could learn some money management skills. When they wanted to buy something special, they paid for half of the item, and then we paid for the rest. Our kids also paid for going out to the movies, lunch with a friend, etc.
Some helpful suggestions that I learned after doing some research on the subject:
Their allowance must be tied to their chores. This will make them the connect that work equals income. If they don’t do their job (Write down the chores. Divide them up between kids if need be) they don’t get paid. However, do not withhold their money if they misbehave. This sets a dangerous precedent. Now your child knows that if they want to come home late, the consequence will be no allowance and so he/she will be happy to forfeit the money. Bad lesson! They cannot buy their way out of trouble. Yes, I know the upper class does it all too often, but it’ not ethical. No matter how your heartstrings ping because you feel sorry for your child, you must be consistent and follow the guidelines you’ve set up for them. If married, work together on this.
A suggested weekly allowance made by financial pros seems surprisingly high, but you decide based on your budget. They suggest that the allowance should match your child’s age. In other words, if your child is seven, then he would receive seven dollars per week, your 12-year old would be given twelve dollars per week, etc. I know this might seem like you’re forking out a lot of money, but remember if your child wants to buy a toy, or your teen wants to go to a movie, they have to pay for it. We did this. Our son complained at first about spending his own money, but I explained that this is how it is in the real world. (See we did some things right.)
If you can’t give this much of an allowance, figure out how much you can afford. But if possible, start low and raise the allowance every few years. Try to pay them the same day you get paid; then there’s a consistency.
And when your child’s money is gone, it’s gone. Do not give him/her advances. This will teach your child terrible habits: You know like borrowing from others, taking small loans out from banks and so on. They will learn quickly how to budget for what they want, a lesson much of society hasn’t learned.
Teach your children to save. Help your kids set up bank accounts and make sure they save a portion of their allowance for the future. Saving is an important habit that should be encouraged as early as possible. Whether it’s toward a down-payment on your child’s first car, or a college savings fund, it’s crucial that some significant portion of the weekly allowance be set aside for the future. Again, this is a life lesson you are teaching them. Have you heard of the 50/30/20 rule? For adults, at least 20% of your income should go towards savings, 50% (maximum) should go towards necessities, and 30% should go towards discretionary items. Maybe, you can juggle the percentages around a bit, so your kids are following it.
Also, if you go to church, you might want to teach your child to put aside some money for tithes. Or have each child pick a charity in which they are interested in and save money to donate at least twice a year. I wish I would have had my children do this. It teaches them compassion for others.
Digital loan apps supposedly help kids manage money, but it also teaches kids how to borrow money from their parents. Sorry, I don’t know if this is something a child should learn quite yet. That’s the problem with many adults now; they overspend, borrow too much and then file for bankruptcy. (800,000 people in 2016 filed for bankruptcy. I couldn’t find last year’s statistics.)
Maybe if your child wants something big, like an electric scooter, write up a contract and figure out a low-interest rate. (That is reality) Yes, both parents sign the contract, and the child signs it. Then once you pay him/ her full allowance, hold out the other hand, so he/she pays the amount agreed upon for the scooter until it's fully paid. (We did this with Kyle.)
Great site which breaks down suggested chores for each age group:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/the-importance-of-chores-for-kids-1095018
Reference site:
https://credit.org/2017/05/08/five-tips-for-kids-allowance/?gclid=CjwKCAjwg_fZBRAoEiwAppvp-bTv0EpAJwemZws1ZnCMSqwV6gKEuZJ9ZNHqHpt7TwM-8-UpG1U_IhoClNMQAvD_BwE
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