66 - A poignant message from Archangel Michael

   I had picked up one of those health magazines at Pine Street Circle up here in Topanga which advertises the various types of healing workshops and healers in the Los Angeles area.  I was intrigued by an advertisement about an intuitive/ psychic class. I called my friend, Nadine, to see if she wanted to go with me to the workshop and she said that she’d love to.

   We arrived at the same time and walked into the building, but no one was there for the class. We learned that I had written the wrong date down in my calendar. I haven’t done something like that for a long time. I was a bit ticked off at myself for getting the date wrong. I knew Nadine was very busy, so for her to actually have that Saturday free to spend time with me was very special. She is the total opposite of me, always relaxed and in control.  Either that or she is an excellent actress. We decided to go to the neighboring Starbucks to talk, something we rarely have time for.

   Nadine is such a diminutive woman that I often wondered if I blew hard, she would float into the air.  Nadine asked if I had tried again to get a hold of Nicole, my daughter, again.  I shook my head no. “You need to try and reach her.” Her voice was intense, unusual for her. “Have you tried Facebook?” She asked before she took a sip of her tea.

  I squeezed my tea bag, placed it on my napkin and then took a sip of green tea. “Ouch!” I almost dropped my cup. Nancy asked if I was okay and I verified that I was.  I reminded her that I had already tried to get in touch with my daughter before Kyle’s memorial, but she had blocked me. “She needs time to figure out the mess from these last few years and to find out who she is. I think she walked around in a daze since her teens.”

    “Just tell your daughter that you love her and that you’d love to take her out to lunch. Tell her the past is the past, and you guys can only talk about the present if that’s what she wants.” Nadine said. “Appeal to her as a mother. You two used to be so close.” Her tears were on the verge of breaking through.

   “Nadine, she’s not a mother, she’s not going to understand that pain. She will sometime, I feel it in my heart but not now.” As we drank our beverage in the cool shadows of the building, I mulled over what I would say to her at our rendezvous, knowing I would have to fight back the tears of joy.  But most of all, I will have to watch what I would say so I wouldn’t upset her.

   An iron fist squeezed my heart, am I going to be rejected again?  I didn’t know if I could handle that another time. I had to seriously think about if I should try and get in touch with her again.

  The following weekend I was able to take the Intuitive/Psyche Workshop at Imagine Center in Encino, but Nadine couldn’t make it.  There were seven of us. The teacher, Taryn,  seemed to have a white glow around her head. Was she an angel herself, I wondered, or was her vibrations so high, that her energy was similar to an angel’s?  All of this spiritual stuff was new to me. 
   Her soft high voice taught us that everyone has Archangels that help them and not to be afraid to ask for help.  Taryn guided us through a meditation which slowed the energy of our body down and at the same time, raised our vibrations. “Now, ask your archangel to come and introduce himself or herself. Then ask your angel any question,” Taryn guided.

   I wondered, Who is my Archangel? And the word Michael came through. I had forgotten entirely that two years earlier when I had taken Theta Training and had learned it was Archangel Michael. On a few occasions, I had worked with him while practicing Reiki healing on a couple of clients, but with all the trauma in my house, had forgotten about him.  For the first time, I asked the obvious mom question, When is Nicole coming home? I didn’t mean physically, but I meant reconnecting with us.
 Archangel Michael

    A nice low, calm male voice responded, Be patient.

    I know that, but when is Nicole going to call or …

   Be patient, cut my last few words off. Michael’s voice was louder, firmer and yet still loving.  I wasn’t upset; I just thought to myself, Okay. This is the hardest thing asked of me, to be patient. I just want to hear my daughter’s sweet voice and make sure she’s all right.   And I want to apologize for the plethora of mistakes that I had made.

   A week after I had taken the class, I had just finished shopping at Ralph’s when I bumped into a neighbor in the parking lot. He knew about our son passing away. Bob encouraged me to send an e-mail to Nicole. I told him a little bit about my attempts at communicating with her. He said, “Tina, just tell her you to love her and want to talk to her.” I further explained the chaos in our house especially since Kyle had started driving. He replied, “The past is the past, both of you have to let go of it. Tell her that.”

   “Okay, I’ll think about it.” The conversation again made me wonder if God was telling me it’s time. My mother’s heart was aching to hear from her. I decided I was going to send her a message on FACEBOOK.  I wasn’t sure how to say what I wanted to say without making her upset.  I decided to wait a few days so I could think about what I would write. That night I tossed and turned for about an hour phrases, apologies and memories kept floating in before I finally fell asleep.

   That morning I woke up after having a vivid dream. I used to dream all the time, and unlike many people, I remembered them.  But in the last few years, my life had become so tumultuous I never remembered one single dream. However, that morning I was astonished because I recalled my dream, and I was even more astonished about what it pertained to.

   Suspended in midair, was the new Dell computer that Alan had bought me for Christmas. The computer not only was three times its normal size, but it floated in this beautiful azure sky with light puffy little clouds, dotting the sky.  I seemed to be floating above it, looking down. I was shocked to see two shoeprints on top of the lid. Dusty rays of dirt-spattered away from the edges of the enormous soles. There were no heel marks, nor toe marks. It seemed as if someone had jumped on my computer from above without breaking it.  It was so weird.

     Okay, that was it. I chuckled to myself as I dressed for school. Alright, Michael, I get it. I’m not that stupid, stubborn maybe, but not stupid. I’ll do as you say, I’ll be patient, I said to myself.  He had left such a poignant message.  No matter how hard it is for my maternal being, I have to wait for a sign that Nicole is ready. I will appease myself by talking to her through my stories, poems, and journals for now.  But when will she be ready? Or is she too afraid to get in touch, remembering her mother who freaked out about everything and was unable to handle much of anything?  Stop!  I can’t worry. I have to trust Michael. I’ll be told when the time is right.

     Some people might have been sad or not heeded a message like this, but I felt relief. The pressure lifted from my shoulders. I accepted that our daughter needs time away to heal. Maybe, also, it will give Alan, and I time to heal individually and as a couple. I know that when she’s ready, I will receive a sign.