20 - Family Time Is Important to Schedule into your Life and if Possible, One To One Time

 

      I was concerned that Alan and I weren't giving Nicole, our daughter, enough T.L.C. (Tender Loving Care) because, too often, our jobs were time-consuming, or her older brother, Kyle, demanded my help.  He was A.D.D., had a few learning disabilities, and experienced bouts of depression.  Too often, I had been the tutor helping him with his homework or helping him review for tests when he was young, and then when essays came along, I was by his side.  Also, Alan and I were too often hyper-focused on our work, so sadly, too many times, we weren't aware of our daughter's needs.  I'm sure Nicole tried to express her needs, but my brain was full, and I couldn't listen.

     By 6th grade, she seemed disconnected from us and spacey sometimes. Of course, not sleeping well didn't help, and she started complaining about pains in her body, which we learned a few years later was Fibromyalgia. 

     One day, I got the idea that Alan and I could give Nicole special attention. We could reel her back into the family by spending quality time with her.  So we took her out to dinner and out to a professional theater. We only did this a couple times, and she seemed to have fun.  We certainly did.  Theatre night made her feel special and reconnect.  At first, Kyle was jealous, but we reminded him that since he went to many places with his buddies and was invited to stay overnight, often at his friend's homes, he shouldn't feel left out. Unfortunately, Nicole hardly went anywhere with her friends or accepted invitations to stay overnight, and she rarely invited anyone over once she was in high school.  I asked her one day why and she just shrugged.  That should have been a sign to get her into counseling, but I needed to be tuned in to her needs or our lack of parenting skills.

     We even took the kids out separately to a movie and dinner. A few times, But sadly, we only did this a couple times, and then life got in the way.  I tried to set a night aside for family game night: cards, Monopoly, and Sand scrabble; we had a lot of fun, and many belly laughs. Unfortunately, since I was the one who made it happen, I was the individual who would need to remember to set it up.  

      If there are too many kids for you to do things separately with them, pick a movie to watch at a cinema or at home.  Or go bowling.  Or go hiking.  Or attend an art exhibit.  Playing family games is also an excellent way to be together and reconnect.  We used to do that almost once a month until the kids were too busy with school, work, or friends.  Dragging the kids into the kitchen and working together preparing a meal together is also a fabulous way to talk about the day.  (I like that in France it's traditional that everyone helps cook.  I'm sure other intelligent cultures do the same thing.) Of course, they took turns setting the table and clearing it, but that didn't happen enough.

     If I had to do it again, I would sit down with the whole family a few months ahead of time with the family calendar and agree upon the dates for family time, thereby making family time a priority, or it might not happen.  And don't let a complainer stop the fun.  Kyle would complain that he was bored, like the rest of us.  Like most kids, he preferred to be at his friends' homes. 

Almost everyone enjoys biking.

    We visited family twice a year and made tons of family trips to Hawaii, Europe, and national parks.  Those were the happiest times.  Alan and I's brains were sucked dry from work, and the kids were stressed out from school, so all of us were more relaxed during those vacations.  We teased each other, joked around, and laughed a lot.

Tons of games for all ages and interest