Kyle, our son, wasn't afraid to look silly. Pretending to put some gas down his pants.
One gorgeous Saturday spring afternoon, I drove down the windy Topanga Canyon to pick Kyle up at his best friend, Henry’s, house. The road was busy like it usually was on a Saturday afternoon. Consequently, I found myself becoming annoyed at the slow drivers. A virgin Topanga driver was in front of me, which meant slow driving. Irritating. I had a lot of gardening that I wanted to finish that day. Reminding myself to relax, I sucked in a couple of deep breaths and expelled the air slowly.
Finally, I arrived at Henry’s house and parked right in front of his father’s little white bungalow off of Topanga Canyon and walked up the path carefully so as not to trip on the uneven pavement. A few low scraggly bushes were growing against the front of the house, and about a million dandelions speckled the sad lawn. I knocked and waited a few minutes, watching the numerous cars buzz by, then pounded on the door louder.
A blond teen with perfect long straight blond hair opened the door a sliver. “Good morning,” I said. She mirrored my greeting but still did not open the door. I thought that was strange.
“Nice morning, huh?” she dragged the question out. Slowly, she opened the door, and I stepped in, wondering why she was given the job to waylay me at the door. Another girl sat on the couch watching some unrecognizable movie. Oh, my God, was my ninth grader already sexually active? No way, I thought. Kyle’s so immature for his age. What’s that got to do with it, I realized. My heartbeat started revving up.
The place looked like a typical bachelor’s pad. The wadded-up socks and displaced tennis shoes must have been used for a soccer game because the numerous pairs were on opposite sides of the room. Dried tomato sauce and something that could have been the remains of a salad was stuck on the plates. My eyes zeroed in on the Coors cans still on the coffee table and floor. However, no Henry or Kyle is in the picture. Were they drinking last night?
Suddenly I hear, “Uh, Uh” and “Yeah, Yeah,” as if an explosion of orgasm was about to occur in Henry’s bedroom. The blood in my whole body turned to cement. Immediately, I snapped out of my frozen state and took a couple of long strides down the short hallway, yanking Henry’s bedroom door open without knocking.
Henry was shirtless, sitting propped up against the wall next to a bronze girl with eyes that had no pupils. The other girl had strawberry blond hair and green eyes. Henry’s arms were around both of their shoulders. All three had this look of surprise. The sheets and blankets were pulled up around the girls’ necks, covering their nudity.
Suddenly, Kyle popped up from under the sheets, and a paper-thin girl boinged up right beside him, laughing with her Colgate smile. “Hiya, mom! Gottcha.” Henry chirped (he always called me mom) while scratching his messed-up curly locks.
Kyle straightened his skinny body up to lean against the pillows that were behind him. My eyes bounced back and forth between the five young people sitting on the King-sized bed, laughing or giggling hysterically at me. I was freaking… Did they have a fivesome at their age?
Almost on cue, the girls dropped the sheet to show that they were fully clothed. Henry and Kyle were grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. I replayed the scene in my head when I first walked in. Now I realized that Henry and the two girls had imitated the acting style common in silent movies, over-exaggerated.
That should have given me a hint. But I was stuck in what I was afraid had happened, S-E-X, a word Nicole, our daughter, had spelled out when we had taken the whole family to see the movie, Titanic. She was about five, and she leaned over and whispered in my ear as the two main characters entered the car, “Mom, you know they have, s-e-x in this movie.” She spelled the word out. I placed my hand over her eyes, wondering how does she know that.
Mom, it’s a joke.” Kyle smiled and pulled his hands from around the girl’s shoulders, and stood up with his jeans on. ”Hello, earth to mom. It’s a joke.”
Henry was cackling. “Tina, you should have seen your face!” He was so proud of their scheme. The rest of the clothed actors rose and exited the cracker box bedroom. I had been set up.
I didn’t smile. I didn’t say one solitary word. What was I so afraid of, Kyle experiencing sex way earlier than I did? Or was I afraid he was too immature to experience sex?
Once we got into the car, I again discussed my concern about no adult supervision. “Mom, nothing’s going to happen.”
“Kyle, I trust you, but I’m not so sure I trust the girls. You’re a good-looking teen; my female students drool over you. But my students also tell me shocking stories about what happens when their parents aren’t home. Drugs, sex, drinking. Listen, I’m not stupid. I know you’ll experience sex, but I’m asking you to wait a little while so you’re more mature. If you can’t, please promise me you’ll use condoms. You don’t want to be a teen with a baby, honest. I’ll even buy you a box. No questions. I promise.”
“You’re going to buy me a box of babies?” he laughed.
“You know what I meant.” I hit him playfully on the head, always the funny guy.
He gave me his infamous sideways smirk and said, “Mom, don’t worry, I have to get a girlfriend first, and that hasn’t happened yet.”
I laughed, “Ok, just want to let you know where I stand on that subject. Now, as for the beer, yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice the empty beer cans all around.”
“We didn’t drink those. Jerry’s friends were here last night.” (That's Henry's dad.)
Kyle seemed sincere, but I was still unsure. “Uh-huh,” I said.
“Honest, mom.” I continued to discuss how having a child at his age would change his life drastically. (A conversation we had already had when he was in 8th grade.) Of course, I told him that Alan and I would help out if it happened. I shared how one of my junior high students became a daddy in 7th grade even though he used a sandwich bag as a condom, but it broke. Kyle cracked up, not believing me, but yup, it was true. The kid swore and admitted his mistake in front of the whole class and told them he was too young to be a dad and that he wished he had waited. Even one of the counselors told me she had walked into the girl's bathroom to make sure kids weren't hiding in between classes and what did she find? Yup, right in the bathroom stall, two sixth graders. Talk to your kids about being responsible and about SEX and abstaining.
Now magazines, movies, and even T.V. shows are more open about sex, so it's time that parents wake up and realize that you need to have that conversation when your kids are in 5th grade. Discuss the alternatives and how one can say "No," without feeling bad. Practice how your child would decline a sexual approach. They need to learn to set boundaries early. They need to be aware of the consequences and how being a parent at such a young age will change their life. It's weird, but with all of Kyle's shenanigans, I don't even remember if I talked to our daughter, Nicole, about being responsible when having sex. You need to speak to all your children about being responsible when they're old enough and never think, Oh, my child wouldn't do that...
I never learned whose idea it was to freak me out. Kyle and his best friend, Henry, were notorious for pulling pranks on people.
Finally, I arrived at Henry’s house and parked right in front of his father’s little white bungalow off of Topanga Canyon and walked up the path carefully so as not to trip on the uneven pavement. A few low scraggly bushes were growing against the front of the house, and about a million dandelions speckled the sad lawn. I knocked and waited a few minutes, watching the numerous cars buzz by, then pounded on the door louder.
A blond teen with perfect long straight blond hair opened the door a sliver. “Good morning,” I said. She mirrored my greeting but still did not open the door. I thought that was strange.
“Nice morning, huh?” she dragged the question out. Slowly, she opened the door, and I stepped in, wondering why she was given the job to waylay me at the door. Another girl sat on the couch watching some unrecognizable movie. Oh, my God, was my ninth grader already sexually active? No way, I thought. Kyle’s so immature for his age. What’s that got to do with it, I realized. My heartbeat started revving up.
The place looked like a typical bachelor’s pad. The wadded-up socks and displaced tennis shoes must have been used for a soccer game because the numerous pairs were on opposite sides of the room. Dried tomato sauce and something that could have been the remains of a salad was stuck on the plates. My eyes zeroed in on the Coors cans still on the coffee table and floor. However, no Henry or Kyle is in the picture. Were they drinking last night?
Suddenly I hear, “Uh, Uh” and “Yeah, Yeah,” as if an explosion of orgasm was about to occur in Henry’s bedroom. The blood in my whole body turned to cement. Immediately, I snapped out of my frozen state and took a couple of long strides down the short hallway, yanking Henry’s bedroom door open without knocking.
Henry was shirtless, sitting propped up against the wall next to a bronze girl with eyes that had no pupils. The other girl had strawberry blond hair and green eyes. Henry’s arms were around both of their shoulders. All three had this look of surprise. The sheets and blankets were pulled up around the girls’ necks, covering their nudity.
Suddenly, Kyle popped up from under the sheets, and a paper-thin girl boinged up right beside him, laughing with her Colgate smile. “Hiya, mom! Gottcha.” Henry chirped (he always called me mom) while scratching his messed-up curly locks.
Kyle straightened his skinny body up to lean against the pillows that were behind him. My eyes bounced back and forth between the five young people sitting on the King-sized bed, laughing or giggling hysterically at me. I was freaking… Did they have a fivesome at their age?
Almost on cue, the girls dropped the sheet to show that they were fully clothed. Henry and Kyle were grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. I replayed the scene in my head when I first walked in. Now I realized that Henry and the two girls had imitated the acting style common in silent movies, over-exaggerated.
That should have given me a hint. But I was stuck in what I was afraid had happened, S-E-X, a word Nicole, our daughter, had spelled out when we had taken the whole family to see the movie, Titanic. She was about five, and she leaned over and whispered in my ear as the two main characters entered the car, “Mom, you know they have, s-e-x in this movie.” She spelled the word out. I placed my hand over her eyes, wondering how does she know that.
Mom, it’s a joke.” Kyle smiled and pulled his hands from around the girl’s shoulders, and stood up with his jeans on. ”Hello, earth to mom. It’s a joke.”
Henry was cackling. “Tina, you should have seen your face!” He was so proud of their scheme. The rest of the clothed actors rose and exited the cracker box bedroom. I had been set up.
I didn’t smile. I didn’t say one solitary word. What was I so afraid of, Kyle experiencing sex way earlier than I did? Or was I afraid he was too immature to experience sex?
Once we got into the car, I again discussed my concern about no adult supervision. “Mom, nothing’s going to happen.”
“Kyle, I trust you, but I’m not so sure I trust the girls. You’re a good-looking teen; my female students drool over you. But my students also tell me shocking stories about what happens when their parents aren’t home. Drugs, sex, drinking. Listen, I’m not stupid. I know you’ll experience sex, but I’m asking you to wait a little while so you’re more mature. If you can’t, please promise me you’ll use condoms. You don’t want to be a teen with a baby, honest. I’ll even buy you a box. No questions. I promise.”
“You’re going to buy me a box of babies?” he laughed.
“You know what I meant.” I hit him playfully on the head, always the funny guy.
He gave me his infamous sideways smirk and said, “Mom, don’t worry, I have to get a girlfriend first, and that hasn’t happened yet.”
I laughed, “Ok, just want to let you know where I stand on that subject. Now, as for the beer, yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice the empty beer cans all around.”
“We didn’t drink those. Jerry’s friends were here last night.” (That's Henry's dad.)
Kyle seemed sincere, but I was still unsure. “Uh-huh,” I said.
“Honest, mom.” I continued to discuss how having a child at his age would change his life drastically. (A conversation we had already had when he was in 8th grade.) Of course, I told him that Alan and I would help out if it happened. I shared how one of my junior high students became a daddy in 7th grade even though he used a sandwich bag as a condom, but it broke. Kyle cracked up, not believing me, but yup, it was true. The kid swore and admitted his mistake in front of the whole class and told them he was too young to be a dad and that he wished he had waited. Even one of the counselors told me she had walked into the girl's bathroom to make sure kids weren't hiding in between classes and what did she find? Yup, right in the bathroom stall, two sixth graders. Talk to your kids about being responsible and about SEX and abstaining.
Now magazines, movies, and even T.V. shows are more open about sex, so it's time that parents wake up and realize that you need to have that conversation when your kids are in 5th grade. Discuss the alternatives and how one can say "No," without feeling bad. Practice how your child would decline a sexual approach. They need to learn to set boundaries early. They need to be aware of the consequences and how being a parent at such a young age will change their life. It's weird, but with all of Kyle's shenanigans, I don't even remember if I talked to our daughter, Nicole, about being responsible when having sex. You need to speak to all your children about being responsible when they're old enough and never think, Oh, my child wouldn't do that...
I never learned whose idea it was to freak me out. Kyle and his best friend, Henry, were notorious for pulling pranks on people.
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