54 - Teach your child how to handle peer rejection

    One day my daughter broke down crying and sputtered out, “No one likes me. They won’t let me play with them.”  A few of my heartstrings popped that day. I felt so sad for my 8-year-old. Of course, I instantly reminded her of all the fantastic qualities she had, worried that her self- esteem had just dropped a few feet.  After Nicole complained again about these so-called friends leaving her out a few more times, I called their parents, and they agreed to talk to their children, and we agreed to have a few play dates. This seemed to help for at least a few years.

    Years later, I wonder how I could have helped this lively, smart and creative girl handle rejection better. Could I have made her proactive without me jumping in to save her?  I gleaned a few blogs and articles written by professionals and here’s what I learned:

1.  Don’t overreact or jump-in the instant you see that your child is feeling rejected. First, ask yourself whether this would do more harm than good. Often times, children get upset and then move on. It’s us, the parent who is reacting.

2.  When we try to fix the situation immediately or too often, your child might wonder whether something is wrong with her or wonder why it’s such a big deal, because being left out is no big deal to her.

3.  Most children have no filters. They just react, and something blurts out of their mouth. They’re brutally honest as they have no social skills. They’ll say, “Go away,” or “Shut up.”  Remind your child of a time when she didn’t want to play with her little brother because she wanted to be alone.

4.  Always take the time to encourage your child to express her feelings.

5.  Show empathy. (Read the site below, it’s excellent).  Ask if it’s okay to give her a hug.

Ask your child if she could use a hug

6.  Don’t argue, or brush aside how your child feels which will make her feel unimportant. And don’t lecture about what your child did/said wrong. Maybe another day you can ask your child if she remembers saying something that might have upset the other person and go from there.

7.  Reiterate what she must be feeling: “It sounds like your feelings were hurt pretty badly when your friends didn’t want to play with you.”  This acknowledgment makes them feel heard, and it solidifies that their feelings are real.

https://www.wikihow.com/Show-Empathy    As a parent, this site is an excellent site to teach your child how to show empathy towards others.  Too bad schools don’t teach this in the classroom or at an assembly. Bet bullying would almost cease.